At all costs

Chapter XV

My dear Natasha,

It's been already two long years since you left us, since you left me. I still don't know how I hold on. I still hope you'll return somehow.

In a bunch of people, I can't help but try to find your hair, your beautiful red hair.

I know that behind your smile, there was a scared little girl. Behind your confidence, there was a bunch of doubts. Behind your strength, there was suffering. Behind your skills, there was torture.

Honestly, I don't know where to start. It was short but so crazy. But still too short. I wish we had more time. I still have so many things I want to tell you. So many things to express, to share with you, and I am not even talking about weddings and kids like we discussed one time. Do you remember, my Tasha? You said that after the job was done, we could marry and even have a house. I have the ring I bought for you every day with me, I don't know why. Maybe that way, I feel you close to me, like you're not really gone. Everything we planned is lost forever anyway.

The first time I met you, honestly, I didn't know what to think. Everything seemed so new to me, cars, planes, technology... I was a loner. What a long way huh? I was the first surprised. You were the first one who tried to be a friend, who saw Steve Rogers and not Captain America. Why? Now I realize that only you could understand. I have seen the scars, I have seen how broken you were. Of course, you understood. You had known way worse.

And when you stood by my side even if the world was falling apart... then suddenly, it was more. It was love. New... Scary... But still love. Something I had never looked for after Peggy. I never hide from you what she meant to me, and you accepted that completely. I never felt any kind of pressure from you, I didn't even know what you felt for me. So yes, after Peggy, I didn't look for love, but I found it anyway when I least expected it. I am so thankful for it. It brought you, your kindness, and your heart strong enough to see your world falling apart again and again because of me and still walk with your head up. I know you saw yourself as a destroyer, someone who broke everything she touched, but you never broke me. You healed me, in more way you can imagine.

I am so sorry to be so stubborn sometimes... maybe we wouldn't have yelled at each other. Maybe we wouldn't have hurt each other too. It was my fault and I know it.

So thank you. Thank you. I could never say it enough, thank you. Thank you for staying when I told you to leave, for kissing me, for touching me, for being the wonderful girlfriend you were. I enjoyed every moment by your side, and you made me discover what true love is.

My heart is clenching because right now, you aren't with me, I can't feel your warmth, and I have to keep writing this instead of cuddling you. I want to hug you tight and never let you go, and I just can't. We are a few steps away and miles apart at the same time. I know you wouldn't want this. Can you really blame me? You were my light in the dark.

I found your note in the jet. « Part of the journey is the end. This is where I stop but it doesn't mean you have to stop too. Promise me you'll go on. I am not asking you to forget me, accept my choice, and please fall in love again. Do this for me. » Guess what Tasha? I tried. Really. I went on a few dates about six months ago but it didn't feel right at all. I decided to stop when on the fourth date, I still expected you to walk in instead of the girl I asked out. My conclusion is inevitable: they simply aren't YOU.

You said: « see you in a minute ». Well, the minute is over and I am still waiting. I'll always be waiting. For you. Please come back to me.

I love you,

Steve

P.S: Tony s-

« What are you doing? » a voice interrupts Steve's train of thoughts.

Smiling, he lifts his head to meet Natasha's green eyes, looking at him with a smile on her lips.

« Nothing important, some writing » he replies softly.

Walking next to him, Natasha takes his notebook and reads. Chuckling, she places it back on the table when she is done.

« Steve, we talked about this... I am alive, aren't I? »

« Well, excuse me, but I nearly lost you three times » he pouts. « I have the right to be a little dramatic in my writing sessions. »

Laughing, she combs his hair with her fingers, making him purrs in delight.

« Well you can be reassured, I am breathing,» she whispers, her soft giggle reaching his ears.

After the snap, Natasha's body was severely damaged, to the point that they thought it couldn't be saved. But once again, as she did with Pietro, Cho made a miracle and after 4 months in the regeneration bloc and 8 months in a coma, Natasha was as brand as new, except for her right arm, now made of nanotechnology like Tony's suits.

« Is everyone gonna be here tonight? »

« I think so, Tony confirmed he, Pepper, and Morgan would be here. »

« James will be happy, he and Morgan get along very well. »

« I think he sees her as a big sister, and Morgan takes this role quite seriously. I heard her lecture him gently after he broke the table, you know? »

Laughing, Steve can't help but go through everything that happened in a year. Getting married, buying a house, adopting a little boy... Everything they dreamt for is now right in their hands. Steve stands and wraps his arms around Nat's waist. She turns to look at him before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down in a slow and warm kiss. He plays with her bottom lip for a while before pulling away, a smirk on his lips.

« Such a tease Rogers... » she rolls her eyes.

« You love me like this »

« Hell yeah,» she affirms before kissing him again.

As the sun goes down, laughter and screams of joy can be heard from far as The Avengers happily reunite, for something other than war for once. Taking a look around the table, Steve smiles. From Carol blushing to a teasing comment Valkyrie just threw at her, to his son James playing with Morgan, it was perfect. It was their story. Messy, bloody, a bit unconventional, but it was theirs. And even if it was hard, Steve knew he would do it over and over again if it meant he would be here in the end, right in his soulmate's arms.

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Oh my god... I can't believe this is the end. When I started this story , I had no idea it was going to be so important to me or to other people. I just had half of the plot, and it took me way longer than I expected to finish it, but it's here !

Thank you to all the people who have been there since the beginning, your support is what helped me going on. I hope you liked the story, it's far from perfect but it's mine 🥰

So thank you very much and I hope I'll see you soon for more adventures!

The Author