Electric Current: Not Past

You Aren't Alone

"Hey Shin—"

I was frozen. Stricken by an invisible force that kept the words from escaping my gaping mouth. There was so much I wanted to tell him and yet... I couldn't speak. Every memory of my past hit me and I was reliving every, cruel detail.

My hands trembled slightly as I held my phone upright, adrenaline still pumping from the confrontation with my parents. I'd call Monoma, I decided, because he would understand. He had to.

"What's wrong baby?" His concerned voice rang through my earbuds.

"Would you hate me if I was trans?"

Would you treat me as my parents did, I wanted to ask. I could only see the whirling of his ceiling fan through his camera, but his voice was honest when he said, "Of course not! I'll be right back."

Muffled voices spoke on the other end of the phone, but I paid them no mind. How stupid I was to not pay more attention. Finally, after a few minutes of silence from his end, another girl's voice sounded through my ears.

"Babe, this is even more reason to break up with that freak..." Leah.

The screen swirled, encompassing my surroundings in an unnatural light, and then I was seeing another very familiar scene.

There I was in the bathroom, staring at my bruised form in the mirror. One of my hands was cupping the dark purple and blue bruise over my eye, while the other wiped away the drying blood under my nose. I looked awful. I felt awful...

I still remember how it felt to be hit by him. It was unexpected, which only left me even more unprepared for the force of the hit coming at my face. The first was the worst, but it didn't take away from the sting when he clipped my lip. Or when his fist collided with my nose.

Finally, I remembered the recent confrontation with him. And how he was acting as though he actually cared about what happened all those months ago. How I had started to feel more myself and, with one altercation with him, I was back to feeling like trash.

The initial bump had been unexpected and, before I could apologize, he had already started to hiss angrily at me.

"WATCH—Daike..." His words carried off.

He was looking at me with barely-masked disgust and disappointment. But, instead of saying what he probably wanted to, he forced that fake smile onto his face and acted like we were old friends.

His act was flawless. I expected nothing less from the man who tricked Yima, Zeido, and I into trusting him completely. Monoma was a liar, everything about him. He was manipulative. And cruel. And—

I suddenly remembered where I was and who I was with. Shinsou was staring down at me with concern, more genuine than Monoma had ever shown. My hand was still raised from when I'd waved when he entered, so I quickly put it at my side.

"Nevermind." I mumbled, looking down at the tiled floor.

He took in my appearance, going from my wrinkled clothes, to the tears that were still sliding down my cheeks. Many times he's decided not to push me when it was obvious that something was on my mind, but this was different.

Shinsou stepped more into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Being alone in a small room with so much tension between us was unnerving.

"What were you going to say?"

I wave my hand dismissively and try to force a smile, but he is having none of it. He gives me a look that tells me that he knows exactly what I'm feeling.