People tell me that I
need some help
that I'm not right in the head because
I don't think like other people.Ordered and in line is how
I like to live my life with lots of
cleanliness for safety and
routines I must do.Routines that some might call
Rituals
because without them I get
Anxious.Except
I get anxious anyway
because that's how I work
no one seems to understand.Others don't get it when I
apologise fifteen times
for something I didn't do
because I still feel guilty.Others can't get it if I
can't focus on schoolwork
because the pounding in my head
is all I can hear.Like a beat for a
marching band
dum-dum, dum-dum
it goes.And just like that I'm on a
Rollercoaster
where my emotions are out ofControl;
something I never have
so I do things
to feel like I have it.Like wash my hands and
refold a blanket seventeen
times until that one crease isGone;
Like my past self
before anxiety ruled my mind
and my body
because I just can't keepControl;
Which I ache for when it's lackingI'm lacking;
The power I need
to keep myself in check.Something that could
destroy me more than
Anything
is my own brain.When I can't do anything
about the pain in my chest
and my head and my heart
and my arms and my brain.I am left feeling
Empty
or full of emotion
until I must surely break.Except-
I don't
and I keep on living
Just in agony.Agony forever waiting for-
Reassurance
Safety
LoveWaiting for-
something I can't explain
something to save me from me
when only I can save myself.
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Short Stories & Poetry
PoesieA collection of my poems and short stories. I write and publish them spontaneously- whenever the inspiration hits!