Short Stories & Poetry

I'm Sorry (NaNo Day 19)

Sorry for bothering you,
for being so young,
for not knowing what to say
to make you feel better
when you do it
every single time for me.

Doesn't feel like these hugs
are a good enough substitute
and yet you say
they are
and I try so hard
to believe you.

Retracing the same thoughts
over and over
you said it doesn't matter
but it does to me.
Still haunted by the terror
of messing up so badly.
Want to forget but
can't let myself.

Does it still hurt?
Does the scar run deeper
than you show me?
Are you still
trying to protect me,
even after all these years?

Because I need it, but
I can't accept it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

But I gotta do this alone.

No more hiding under
blankets together,
standing on the
sidelines while you
beat up that kid
that messed up my day.

For the monster
isn't out there anymore,
it's inside.
This is one battle that
you can't fight for me.
I'm sorry for letting it get this far,
for not fighting it more
by myself, before it became
this tsunami I am drowning in.

Don't know how to make it up to you
don't know how to fight this,
but by God, please hold my hand
as I travel to the depths in
search of me, where I lost her
in the wilderness of my mind.

Your face each time I say
these things just kills me,
feels like each tear
you shed for me
is a mortal wound
in my side.

Oh, please smile again,
don't let me be the one
that takes it away.
I've searched and
searched, but I can't find
it anywhere within me.

Can't find anything
within me anymore,
but hatred for me and
love for you.

All the love for you.
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I can't.