Short Stories & Poetry

The Lie I Live (NaNo Day 17)

I tell myself that it's
all gonna be fine, that
I'm okay, and that
everything is good
because who wants
to believe otherwise?

And when people ask
if I'm okay,
I just nod and smile
because that's what
you're supposed
to do, right?

It's the constant lie I live.

I tell myself that, next
time I'll get help, next
time I won't risk it
alone. Every single time, I
say these things to myself.
Still, no change.

How can you function when
your self respect is
so low, that you
can't keep your own
promises
to yourself?

At the beck and call
of others. Satan himself
couldn't prevent me
from helping a stranger.
But God help my soul
if it's for me.

And let's just
stop a moment,
please give me
time to
apologise for
my very existence.

I am drowning,
drowning in a
river of my own
lies and hatred.

Watch it flow inside
of me, replacing
the blood in
my veins with
raw emotion,
hungry for destruction.

Watch it tear me apart.

And the entire time
I would whisper to
myself, that it's gonna be
okay, that everything's
fine. When it's not.
I know it's not.

It's just the lie I live.