Like the ocean drifts
my emotions come and
go, fading in and out
with the hands of the clock.
I am hurting with the
intensity, breaths caught in
my lungs by stinging nettles
of tormentous feelings.
Endless roller coaster I
never asked to ride,
someone forgot to
check my safety harness
cause it feels like
I'm freefalling
from the heavens,
no parachute for me.
Can't decide on these
feelings that stir within
my chest, could say I'm
a thousand different things
but all would be right
and yet none at all
with this indecisive heart
and tired mind.
Goosebumps dancing up my
arms, my very own
swan lake in action.
Wanna join them, move
to the soundless beat
but my feet are too weak
and when my heart isn't in it
these clumsy limbs stumble.
Don't know what to think
anymore; who to trust, who
to love. Who loves me?
Certainly not me for
all three. Friends?
Family? Teachers?
None of it feels real anymore.
Just fake.
Smiling façades on
worn out faces,
times and places
can't think straight.
Who is this that stares
back at me in the glass?
Not me, for she
is far too changed.
This inner turmoil
makes my innards my
outards, exterior trying
so hard to be what they all
want to see, when inside it's
cold and lonely, all of it
seeming to crumble away.
Won't somebody hold me?
'I love you,' that's what you
told me, before you left me
bereft of warmth and
the colour leached from
the world around me
as you faded back
into the ceaseless crowd
I can never seem to cope with.
And don't mistake it, this is
not a break-up, but a parting
of sorts from the real me.
She's out there somewhere
in a spaceship speeding
to Mars, leaving me to float
for eternity in the void of space,
deprived of the oxygen she provided.
To think that such a
happy, smiling creature could
ever have been at one with
me, brings oceans to my eyes
that I do not have the
capacity to bear.
Oh, where did she go?
Lost out in the cruel world's flow.
And when I am the thing that
brings that same smile to someone
else's lips for even just a
fleeting second, I almost feel
fulfilled, and then I remember
this blank inside that
I cannot seem to fill
no matter how hard I try.
And I suppose the idea is
that if I can't be perfect for me,
let me be perfect for you
but the world doesn't work that way
when you frown and shove my
worries aside, because I've
broken the spell and shown
the things I tried so hard to hide.
Perfect no more,
I've stuttered and fallen
further than any
arm could ever reach.
Where is she now, that
girl in the crown who led
me through the days before?
Oh, won't she do it once more?
YOU ARE READING
Short Stories & Poetry
PoetryA collection of my poems and short stories. I write and publish them spontaneously- whenever the inspiration hits!
