Here's My Heart

chapter V

Laura P.O.V.
I could barely see where I was going as made my way home. It was dark out and I was crying. I can't believe I told Nash practically half of my story. Our fight kept replaying over and over and every time it restarted I cried more.
I knew I was almost home because the sign for a café was one street away from my house. Nash was right though; he wasn't good for me, but I didn't care at all. He was as fucked up as I was if not worse; regardless of whether he wanted to admit it or not.
I walked through the front door of my house only to see my father, who was sitting at the table drinking. He looked up after I closed the door, anger clear in his eyes. I walked past him to go up the stairs but before I could go up he stopped me.
"Sit!" He said, anger seeping into his voice. I immediately felt tears reach my eyes but I refused to let them fall as I sat down. He looked at me for a moment before he said anything.
"What the hell happened at the station Laura!" He yelled, as if he wasn't there. "You were there." I said calmly. "God dammit Laura! I know I was there! Why did you go after him?!" He yelled impatiently. "He was mad! He was going through things and he needed to let some of that anger out!" I screamed back, desperately trying to hold my tears back. "Laura he's a drug addict!" he stated as if that was a perfect explanation as to why I shouldn't be hanging out with him. "And you're an alcoholic and I'm a cutter! Don't judge him based on his past!" I screamed, finally letting the tears fall, showing just how angry I was.
I stormed past him and walked up the stairs to my room. He won't come in here unless I ask him to so I don't have to worry about him barging in.
I went over to my closet and pulled up my alcohol box. It had a few different types of alcohol but I pulled out my bottle of McGillicuddy's and poured myself a red solo cup. I could only drink McGillicuddy's straight out of a cup because I loved mint. I took a sip and winced at the taste before relaxing. I took a few more big gulps and sat there for a moment.
The feeling of tipsiness took over and I closed my eyes for a second, relishing in the calmness of my mind. I took a few more sips before going into the bathroom. I took off the little makeup I had on and looked at myself in the mirror.
My hair looked a bit greasy and my cheeks were red and splotchy. A tear slipped out, followed by others. I silently sobbed until I was out of breath and sobbed, taking in more breath.
I pulled out my phone and started playing music. The song 'Already Gone' by Sleeping At Last started and for some reason I felt a serious pang in my heart. I stripped and started the shower; dulling the sound of the music.
I got in and let the warm water hit my back and some of my hair. The tears were still falling as the water started running down my face, taking tears with it. 'Why don't you just kill yourself?' 'You're a waste of space' the thoughts kept haunting me until I realized that I needed a different type of pain to cope with this one.
I reached over to the counter and grabbed my makeup bag . I rummaged around in it for a moment before producing a small knife. I set my makeup bag on the ground and sat down in the tub.
I moved the knife over my thigh and stopped for a moment. 'Did I really want to do this after 2 months of being clean?' As if my brain couldn't think of a better time, mine and Nash's fight came back to me and I pressed the tip of the knife to my thigh and dragged it until the blood started slowly trailing down the side of my thigh. I made about 6 more cuts before stopping. I looked at my leg and started crying, the guilt starting to take over.
I turned the shower off after a few more minutes. I grabbed my towel and dried off as much as I could without getting blood on the towel. After I was mostly dry I grabbed a rag and started dabbing at my leg. Once the blood was mostly cleaned up, I wrapped it with some gauze and medical tape.
The bleeding would probably stop while I sleep so I layed down a towel where my thigh would be. I got in bed and plugged my phone in. I messaged Alice and told her that I would go to the party. Tomorrow would be interesting.
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I woke up with a headache. I took some tylenol and started getting ready. I looked at my closet and realized that I needed to do laundry. I grabbed a red t shirt with the sleeping with sirens logo on it and matched it with a pair of plain black skinny jeans. I walked to the bathroom and started to get undressed. I looked at myself in the mirror.
I had D cup boobs and my stomach wasn't completely flat. I wasn't fat but I wasn't scrawny either. My hips weren't extremely large but they gave me a bit of curve. My ass was average.
I hated myself because I could've been fucking gorgeous if I hadn't gone and sliced my arms and legs up. I changed the gauze, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and did my makeup in about 15 minutes and walked downstairs.
There was a note on the fridge that said 'sorry Laura but I got called into work early so I can't give you a ride. -Dad' So nice of him to say I love you isn't it? I grabbed my wallet and keys and left.
I put my headphones in and turned my phone on, pulling up my playlist and playing scars by Allison Iraheta. 'You say don't act like a child, but what if it's a father I need' the lyrics were what I usually cared about. Occasionally I would add a song because of the voice but I usually stuck to the words. You know what they say; "The thing about a shattered soul is that the music has more cracks to seep into."
I approached the school and saw Nash walking towards me but before he could do anything I ran inside the school as fast as I could. I ran to Alice's locker as she was putting a small case in her locker. I knew immediately what was in there but I didn't say anything. She turned to me and jumped in surprise. I immediately started pulling her arm, dragging her to the basement of the school.
The only kids that were down there were the special ed kids and a few of the tech programs. I pulled her into an empty classroom and shut the door. she turned to me but before she could ask any questions I pulled her into a tight hug. She tensed for a second before hugging me back. I felt tears gathering in my eyes but I didn't let them fall.
I pulled away and she looked at me, a mix of confusion and concern entering her eyes. I sat down and explained everything to her, except for Nash's business. She hugged me once more and then the bell rang. We walked until she turned off and went to her class.
I walked as fast as I could to avoid Nash until I realized that he was in this class. He looked up at me but didn't say anything as I walked by him and sat in my seat next to Alice's twin brother, Alex.
He noticed my presence and looked up, examining me. He smiled and held his hand out. "I'm Alex! You're friends with Alice right?" He seemed very cheery which was weird to me. I didn't really like cheery people because they're usually annoying but he didn't overdo it. I shook his hand and introduced myself. We talked for the rest of the class and when I left for my next class I felt a bit happier.
I went to my next class and after that was lunch. When I got there I went and sat with Alice and Alex. After a moment, the line got shorter so we all went up to order our lunch. I ordered an italian with a bag of chips and some apple slices. All together it costed me $1.50. I went over to the vending machine and got myself a yellow Gatorade.
When I sat back down I noticed that Alex was staring at me. I ate my lunch and talked to the twins, who acted nothing alike. They had pretty much the same features except for the fact that Alex didn't have glasses.
After lunch ended I went to my next class. The day flew by and it was time to go home. As I was walking out of the school someone ran up to me and jumped on my back. I immediately knew it was alice because of her build. She was tiny and light.
Alex walked up to me and glanced at Alice before looking at me. "Do you want a ride to your house? Just grab whatever you plan on wearing and we'll bring you to our house." He offered. "Sure." I said, still carrying Alice.
We walked through the parking lot and over to a light grey dodge ram truck. Alice jumped off of my back and hopped into the backseat. I got into the passenger seat and Alex got into the driver's seat. "Alice! Stop moving my fucking seat you damn midget!" He yelled. He adjusted the seat and everyone buckled up.
I gave him my address and he drove there. It was only a 10 minute drive so we were there in no time. I got out and Alice hopped out with me. I figured that there was no point in fighting it so I just unlocked the door and let her in.
I walked upstairs and into my bedroom with alice following me. I went over to my closet and opened it up for her to look through. she was only in it for two minutes before she pulled out a dress that my best friend had bought me a few years ago.
My chest and a good portion of my torso would be on display in it but I would have to suck it up. She also pulled out a pair of black ankle boots that gave me another 4 inches. They had buckles going over the top and zippers on the sides.
"I think those will look good on you. Also, you're spending the night at my house." She said. I nodded and grabbed a small backpack and threw the dress in as well as the shoes. I went into the bathroom and grabbed my makeup bag, toothbrush, some more gauze and ointment. and my hair brush and put those in there too. I went over my closet and took out a pair of shorts, a t shirt, a pair of undies, a bra, and some socks. I closed the backpack and we walked out to the car.
"Ready to go?" Alex asked as we got in. "Yeah I'm all set." I said. I messaged my dad and told him that I was hanging out with some friends and spending the night but he didn't respond but I'm not surprised. We drove to their house and got out.
It was a big house but it wasn't a rich person house. It was a comfortable living house. We got in and Alice immediately pulled me upstairs. We watched twilight for a few hours and when the third movie was finished, it was almost 8.
Alice got up and pulled me up with her. "We need to get ready!" She reminded. I walked over to her closet and looked over at her for approval. She nodded so I open the door and was surprised to see that there were a lot of innocent clothes. She walked over and moved a bunch of sweaters and t shirts over and behind those were dresses in a variety of colors.
I laughed and grabbed a short sleeved maroon dress that laced up on the chest. It was a bit short but I don't think she minded. I grabbed a pair of black strappy shoes and handed them to her. She took the dress and shoes and went to get changed.
While she was changing I decided to change into the dress and shoes and I looked in the mirror. The girl in the mirror looked completely different than what I usually looked like. I felt confident and it was noticable.
Alice walked out and looked at me. She scanned the outfit and stopped on my legs. She was looking the one I had cut.
She walked over to her closet without saying a word and produced a pair of thigh high stockings with little patches of lace. I put them on and It covered the cuts perfectly. "Thanks." I said looking down. "I know you don't want people asking questions." She said with a knowing look. I got to work on my makeup and hair and Alice did the same.
By the time we had finished it was almost 10. Alice and I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Alex are you ready!" Alice yelled in frustration. Alex walked down the stairs in a plain blue t shirt and jeans. Alice grabbed the keys and we left the house.
Alice hopped into the driver's seat and adjusted her seat. I got into the passenger's seat and buckled up. Alex got in the back and started staring at me. Alice pulled out of the driveway and started driving towards the party.
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A/N
hey! I'm sorry I haven't updated my story recently. I've been going through some stuff it's been putting a strain on my time. I hope everyone is doing well. What do you think is going on with Alex? Why do you think Alice is so quiet?