SCPs but now with 20% more existential dread

halloween but it's written by a loser

haha get it

it's a throwback and a reference to the first scp thing i wrote

anyway I was just planning to watch Cabin in the Woods and review that

(because we all know, deep down, that it will be the closest to an SCP movie we're ever going to get)

but after watching a video about a man making race cars out of dildos, I realized I was destined for more than just a movie review.

so yeah i went to the scp wiki and just said 'fuck it'

we're reading scps again

warning!! this chapter includes one peRSonAL pIcTUre!!

before anyone tells me to say it:
Happy Halloween you heathens.

I hear we're having a full moon tonight, so make sure to have your sacrifices ready as well as popcorn. It's gonna be a wild night. for multiple reasons.

the thing about SCP-5503 is that it's like

like that one scp....but different

same but different.

You know that scp that...that's a neon sign, but it displays threatening messages? That's a real SCP, right?

I've lately been suffering some lapses in memory, for some reason.

first it was my school stuff, then it was my among us paradox (don't ask) and now this. I wouldn't be surprised if my square-shaped brain had fabricated this entire thing.

wonder if this is a side effect from something.

anyway, 5503 is a bunch of pills that grant confidence (trademark)

but as all things (scp or not) they have the minor side-effect of causing reckless self-confidence.

like the luck potion from harry potter. (I know for sure that it exists, for sure.)

in the ten minutes I took a break from writing I may or may not have caught a lizard

it's name is gereld and it's fucking stupid as shit

i put it outside but it stayed in the little jar i caught it in

I had to yeet it out

so yeah, gereld, if you're somehow reading(?) this then just know you are and always have been a stupid bitch.

I just want everyone to know: go. to the scp wiki. right this instant. and go read scp-3902. right now. you will not regret it. it is also not dangerous at all. so do it.

scp 4992: singing shallots

Well, to be more exact: shallots that sing about socioeconomic indifferences, for some reason

I mean....I understand why....but why?

Is the economy getting so bad that inanimate objects are singing about it? We can only assume.

since this is halloween i shall regale you with some things about myself, because I am just that narcissistic

favorite color? green but minty cyan is pretty rad

favorite animal? eldritch horror and foxes

favorite song? redesign your logo by lemon demon is possibly the most satanic song I have ever heard it is barely a song at all. it's just a man saying random things vaguely related to logos and at the end it's just. weird. I think it's teaching me something but I'm not sure what it is. its existence spites god. it is above hell but below divine judgement. it's the feeling of being human but bootlegged. It is correct, wrong, and something in between.

It has the same raw,  chaotic energy as this post:

On that note, let me talk about one of my favorite SCPs: SCP-2002-J.

the concept alone, is so, so stupid. Basically, 2002-J is incapable of jaywalking. Doesn't sound that weird, does it? Well, the thing is, when 2002-J tries to jaywalk, a plausible but improbable event occurs that stops 2002-J from jaywalking.

Still doesn't make sense? This will put it in perspective for you:

In the testing log, there are a total of six tests. 

And, in the most professional way I can say it, it all went to shit.

okay, we finally kidnapped the people who made laws so they couldn't make a law that made jaywalking legal, we got security people so another  hunk of rock doesn't fall to earth, and you know what fucking happened?

2002-J got hit by a fucking car.

A fucking car.

And this is after Dr. Jones died after the whole space rock incident.

gee, thanks, clef.

I'll keep that in mind the next time I try to fucking jaywalk

is everyone in the joke archive on drugs, or something?

(yes)

oh yeah what's my favorite song? Money, by the mystery skulls. Wait, no, uh, it's What I want, by the living tombstone. Yeah.

favorite crime? I want to say murder, but everyone chooses that one. How about violating the geneva conventions-effectively committing war crimes against your own people? It's a fan favorite.

edit:

forgot the fucking picture

anyway i was going to do a hand reveal because why not

but then I decided on a rock-on-carpet reveal.