Alexandra Hamilton

My Shot

Alexandra's POV

"I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Ay yo I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!" I make my voice heard, speaking from the heart.

"Ima get a scholarship to Kings College!" Who cares about Princeton? If they don't want me, I'll find a better school. "I probably shouldn't brag, but dag I amaze and astonish. The problem is I've got a lot of brains but no polish. I gotta holler just to be heard. With every word I drop knowledge." Now that I have everyone's attention, I can't let go of it. No one ever listens to what I have to say.

"I'm a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal tryna reach my goal. My power is speech, unimpeachable. Only nineteen, but my mind is older. These New York City streets get colder. I shoulder every burden, every disadvantage. I've learned to manage. I don't have a gun to brandish. I walk these streets famished." The words are flowing like poetry. Public speaking has always felt so natural to me.

"The plan is to fan this spark into a flame. But damn it's getting dark, so let me spell out my name! I am the A-L-E-X-A-N-D-R-A. Aren't we meant to be a colony that runs independently? Meanwhile Britain keeps shitting on us endlessly. Essentially they tax us relentlessly. Then King George turns around, runs a spending spree. He ain't never gonna set his descendants free, so there will be a revolution in this century! Enter me!"

"She says in parentheses." Say the party of revolutionaries together. Good to know that they're on board.

"Don't be shocked when your history book mentions me! I will lay down my life if it sets us free! Eventually you'll see my ascendancy!" And they'll tell my story.

"And I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Ay yo I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!" I repeat my previous words. At this point I see a sparkle in Joan's eye. She and the two gentlemen join me in chanting.

"I am not throwing away my shot. I am not throwing away my shot. Ay yo I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!" It warms my heart that I've found a group of like minded people who understand what I'm trying to say. "It's time to take a shot!"

Lafayette stands on the table to speak his truth. "I dream of life without the monarchy. The unrest in France will lead to onarchy!" He turns to me. "Onarchy? How you say? How you-" I whisper in his ear and correct him. "Oh, anarchy. When I fight I make other side panicky with my shot!"

Hercules stands and looks around intensely. "Yo, I'm a tailor's apprentice. And I got y'all knuckleheads in loco parentis. I'm joining the rebellion 'cause I know it's my chance to socially advance instead of sewing some pants. I'm gonna take a shot!"

"And though we'll never be truly free," Joan adds. "until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me!" She touches my shoulder and stares into my eyes. "You and I do or die! Wait til I sally in on a stallion with the first black battalion! Have another shot!"

Burr seems to be quite agitated by the gang, specifically Joan. He anxiously shushes us. "Geniuses, lower your voices. You keep out of trouble and you double your choices. I'm with you, but the situation is fraught. You've got to be carefully taught. If you talk, you're gonna get shot."

Joan makes a move to punch Burr, but I stop her. I've got this. "Burr, check what we've got. Mr. Lafayette hard rock like Lancelot!" Turning to Hercules, I say, "I think your pants look hot!" And he smiles. "Laurens, I like you a lot!" And I do like her. I've never met anyone who shares my drive. "Let's hatch a plot blacker than the kettle calling the pot! What are the odds the gods would put us all in one spot? Popping a squat on conventional wisdom like it or not! A bunch of revolutionary manumission abolitionists, give me a position! Show me where the ammunition is!"

I then realize that I'm shouting at the top of my lungs in a fighting stance with my chest puffed. What am I doing!? Now everyone here thinks I'm crazy. Again, the few seconds of silence feel like an eternity. "Oh, am I talking to loud? Sometimes I get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth." I explain timidly, letting my arms and my head hang low. "I've never had a group of friends before. I promise that I'll make y'all proud."

"Let's get this girl in front of a crowd!" Joan's voice says behind me. And with that, Joan, Hercules, Lafayette and all of the strangers in the tavern are singing my words back to me.

I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Ay yo I'm just like my country! I'm young, scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!

I've always spoken my mind and now people are reciprocating my energy. My heart roars and people are united.

"Everybody sing!" Joan's chants are music to my ears. The two of us run out the door and Joan is spreading our message to everyone in sight. "Rise up. When you're living on your knees you rise up. Tell your brother that he's gotta rise up. Tell your sister that she's gotta rise up."

People are spilling out of the tavern after us. "When are these colonies gonna rise up? When are these colonies gonna rise up? When are these colonies gonna rise up? When are these colonies gonna rise up? Rise up!" By this time we've formed a mob of what seems to be about a hundred people. It's so strange. Last I checked I had an audience of four. So many thoughts are swirling in my head, but they don't distract from a thought that has been with me for as long as I can remember. And when my mother died it only grew. The notion of my mortality rears its head.

My vision tunnels and of all the figures surrounding me, I can only identify Joan Laurens and Burr. "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. When's it gonna get me? In my sleep? Seven feet ahead of me? If I see it coming do I run or do I let it be? Is it like a beat without a melody?" I feel ice cold water crash into me as I relive the event that got me to this country in the first place.

"See, I never thought I'd live past twenty. Where I come from, some get half as many." I sense that I'm being watched and I realize that I've been thinking out loud this whole time. I step onto a nearby crate and continue my rant.

"Ask anybody why we living fast and we laugh. Reach for a flask. We have to make this moment last. That's plenty." A poor choice of words. This is more than a moment. So I correct myself. "Scratch that. This is not a moment. It's the movement where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went. Foes oppose us, we take an honest stand. We roll like Moses, claiming our promised land. And if we win our independence, is that a guarantee of freedom for our descendants? Or will the blood we shed begin an endless cycle of vengeance and death with no defendants?" The last thing I want is for America to be a place of fear and hate.

My brain is on fire! All of my thoughts are crammed inside, not waiting for their turn to come out. "I know the action in the street is exciting, but Jesus! Between all the bleeding and fighting I've been reading and writing. We need to handle our financial situation. Are we a nation of state? What's the state of our nation?"

My vision is clear again and I can suddenly see so much more than this. My throat is raw from the shouting, but I have some final words to set free into the world. "I'M PAST PATIENTLY WAITING! I'M PASSIONATELY SMASHING EVERY EXPECTATION! EVERY ACTION'S AN ACT OF CREATION! I'M LAUGHING IN THE FACE OF CASUALTIES AND SORROW! FOR THE FIRST TIME I'M THINKING PAST TOMORROW!"

"And I am not throwing away my shot! I am not throwing away my shot! Ay yo I'm just like my country. I'm young, scrappy and hungry and I'm not throwing away my shot!" My words have become a chorus and a beacon of hope for everyone here. All of the doubt I've ever felt is now a flaming euphoria.

"We gonna rise up. Time to take a shot. We gonna rise up. Time to take a shot." Joan, Hercules and Lafayette are in front of me, adding their own twist to the song.

"We gonna rise up! Rise up!"

It's time to take a shot!"

"Rise up! Rise up!"

It's time to take a shot!

And I am not throwing away my, not throwing away my shot!