ᴹʸ ˡᵒˢᵗ ˡᵒᵛᵉ*⁀➷수빈 ✔

{3}

Warning: contains abuse and thoughts of suicide as well as depressing thoughts 

I moved around on the royal blue velvet couch, doing my best to get comfy as I continue reading the book that leans on my lap. It was 1:20 pm, and I chose to consume my lunch sitting isolated in the library. I successfully settled down in a position which had my legs dangling from the right side of the chair. While my back which was covered by the fabric of my plain white tee was on the left side, maximum comfort. The Libary was silent as it should be with only a couple of students filling the space, some reading, studying, playing chess. In the school social structure, there were five layers. Popular kids who were kids like Taehyung and his friends, Basic kids were kids who follow the popular kids wanting to join in on the popularity. Weirdos the ones who have some friends, the nerds the ones who occupy their time by playing chess or some other stuff, now the loners the ones who are the victim of bullying the kids like me. The sound of footsteps approached me as I glanced up, my eyes met with one of Soobin's friends. It was Choi Yeonjun, he was like an older brother to me." any news of Soobin yet?" he questioned tilting his head at me as the tall male ruffled his pink strawberry hair, Yeonjun repeated the same question every week. Yeonjun knew I loved Soobin, and he was genuinely curious. Of course, despite him knowing he will get the same answer, he asked anyways. "No" I replied bluntly and continued reading the book, letting my eyes follow the words. Yeonjun sighed profoundly and stood straight, "you will find him Y/N, I'm positive he wouldn't leave you forever." Yeonjun muttered before turning away and walking off. I watched the back of his denim jacket, which covered his ash grey shirt fade away from my sight as he exits the library, his walking style was clear to show he was sad in a way.

I sat at my desk and sipped my tea, the warmness caressing my throat as I swallow it. My dad went out to gamble and won't be back until midnight, and estimated by the time on my phone its apparently 4 pm. I bent my neck until it cracked, leaving me satisfied with my actions. I tapped my nails on my desk, considering different ways to spend my time. I glanced at my unevenly cut nails some long and some pretty short, I didn't know why but I don't intend to fix it, that and the fact I do not have a nail file. The sound of a finger tapping hit my window, Frightened I pulled my curtains open to get a clear view. No one appeared in my sight, this led to believe I was getting stalked...by Soobin?. my heart fluttered as I began to persuade myself that he was following me and that he was back, I began to get overjoyed oddly, but I missed him....a lot.

The wind whistled as the weak branches danced in the wind, the leaves followed and pulled away, letting the wind take it someplace. I walk the cracked stone pathway to the nearby convenience store. My eyes fixed onto the blinding light of my phone's screen. Tangerine and Iris Purple began to pour into the sky, creating a combination of the 2, I stopped to check where I was at, and I made it to my destination. The bell dinged as I stepped in, my feet which were covered by the fabric of my white converse pressing against the cracked tiles as I browsed the aisles of the small corner shop, awaiting to find the item I wish to purchase. I grabbed the item like the speed of light and made my way to the counter. The worker was concentrating on her magazine, chewing her gum and listening to music using her white apple earphones. She looked at me and set her magazine next to the cash register, her pale face had annoyance written all over it like she didn't want to be there at all. 

I lay against the fresh emerald green grass, reading my book. My (e/c) eyes sparkle in fascination as I read my book puzzled by some challenging words that to this day still confuse me. I shivered from the cold breeze the wind pushed towards me. I didn't bother checking the weather, which was a dumb thing to do because now I'm cold. I didn't go home because there was nothing for me there, besides if I had a stalker, I could find him hopefully if my eyesight finally works better then usual.  I took out my headphones and plugged them into my phone, playing can you see my heart by Heize and setting it down again to continue reading. Her voice was soft and calming, which tied nicely with the soft melody, calming me down and relaxing me. The next song played which was Losing You by Wonho, his vocals mixed well with the piano playing which again made me feel relaxed. My eyes were so fixed on my book that it started to rain which me to brought me back to reality, I removed my headphones stopping my music and collected my things to return to the dryness and warmth of my own home. I walked home dripping wet and my clothes soaked at this point it was raining heavily, I clutched onto my phone headphones and book, my t book was completely wet. I got home and my dad was there, he looked at me angrily like I have done something unforgivable. he pushed me on the floor and began to leave bruises on my skin, hitting me and kicking me. 

He left me there after he was done, blood dripping out of my nose, and my lip was cut badly. I didn't deserve any of this, it wasn't my fault my mom passed away and Soobin left, yet he managed to convince me that I caused it which made me spiral into a deep Depression and I developed Anorexia. I can't live a normal life anymore I constantly feel everything wrong in the world was caused by me, and I can't seem to do anything right, and I'm just a waste of space who deserves to die. I go up to the bathroom near my room, wiping the fallen tears and removing the blood. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered if I really deserved to live, or should I just die.

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Words: 1097 

I'm sorry for this late upload, I will try and make new parts more frequently. Some things happened in my life since I last uploaded, and I hope you understand and liked this part.