Fix Me

4.

I'm meeting the rest of Niall's friends and since I've been up-which has only been two hours- I've had four panic attacks. It's hard to calm down when the person that's usually able to keep me that way isn't around. Regardless, I've been pushing through it and have been trying to get ready. I'm kind of over the whole "cute" phase; I want to be beautiful, not cute. Of course, Niall never really calls me cute so I don't know why I bother.

"Hey, Liv!"

I looked out my window and smiled, then ran over to open it. "Hi."

"You're not ready?"

I shook my head, which was difficult because my hair was still in the towel.

"They're gonna be here really soon, Liv."

I frowned and grabbed the first green shirt and ripped skinny jeans I saw. Then I ran into my bathroom and changed. I ended up staying there until I emerged with my hair and makeup done. Niall saw me, and he smiled.

"You look great love."

"Thanks."

"Are you nervous?"

"Very."

"Don't be. They're all pretty cool guys and I'm sure they'll love you."

"Even Liam? The last time he saw me, I was running away."

"Especially Liam. Zeva was telling him about you and he can't wait until the day you're comfortable around him."

"Well considering I'll know him better than the other three, I'll definitely be a little more comfortable."

"Good."

"I'm ready."

"C'mere," he said softly, holding out his hand. I took it and he pulled me down to sit on his lap. "How many?" he asked.

"How'd you know?"

"I saw the tear stains when I came in."

"Oh..."

"How many, Liv?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!"

"Why? It's not like they're ever going to stop, so what's the point in talking about it?"

He gently lifted my face so I would meet his eyes. "It matters to me, okay? I want you to realize that there's nothing you need to stress about, especially meeting my friends."

I just got up, and I heard him sigh.

"You have my number, right?"

I shrugged.

"Liv, work with me here."

"I don't think so."

"You don't want to work with me, or you don't think you have my number?"

"The second one."

I heard him get up and walk over to me. He slid my phone out of my pocket and put his number in my phone. "The next time you feel a panic attack coming on, call me. I'll get here if at all possible, and I promise it will usually be possible."

I nodded and he gave me my phone, while spinning me to face him. His hands rested on my hips, while his thumbs rubbed lightly against my side.

"I care about you, a lot, Liv. I want to help you get better."

Not exactly an "I like you," but I'll take it for now.

"Liv?" he asked, after I didn't say anything for a few minutes.

"Fix me," I whispered.

He smiled sweetly and put his head against mine. "You don't need to be fixed, love."

I frowned and shook my head, then pulled away from him. When I glanced back at him, he looked completely defeated... Or maybe disappointed. "You ready?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

I nodded and slid my black flats on and grabbed my black leather jacket. Niall was already standing by my window, obviously aware of the fact that I didn't want my mom to see him. He went first, and then helped me down the tree like he usually does.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Do me a favor?" Liam asked me.

It was just the two of us in the kitchen since he offered and I was nominated to get drinks for everyone. "Sure."

"Go easy on Niall."

"What do you mean?"

He gave me a weird look before returning his attention to what was in the fridge. "Can't you tell that he's trying really hard to get you to... I don't know. Get you to like him, I guess."

"I already do," I said without thinking.

"Right, but I think he wants you to like him as more than a friend."

I almost died of relief. "Oh.."

"Livana, I think you're really weird and everything-"

"Oh, thanks," I laughed.

"But, I also think you're really cool and that you'd be really good for Niall."

"Why? Because he doesn't have anything better to do than fix a broken girl in all the spare time that he has now that he's moved away?"

Liam quickly looked up, and I looked away. He closed the refrigerator and walked over to me. "You know he doesn't see you like that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." But did that stop the tears from falling? Nope. Not at all.

Liam wiped them away and pulled me in for a hug.

"Oh sorry," Niall said.

Liam and I pulled away from each other and I turned to look at Niall. Once he saw my tear-stained face, he forgot about me and Liam hugging completely and quickly walked over to me.

"Are you okay?" he murmured against my hair. I could feel him moving his head, and I assumed that he just agreed to let Liam leave. "I know this probably isn't the best time to ask, but... Do you like Liam?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, good. Now, are you okay?"

I nodded and he pulled away from me. After handing me paper towel to clean up my makeup and trying endlessly to make me laugh, we determined I looked okay enough to go back and talk to everyone.

"Hey love, you okay?" Louis asked me.

I saw Niall glare at Liam and I laughed. "Better, thank you."

"Good."

Niall pulled me with him, and sat me on his lap, which I noticed is becoming a frequent thing with him. Maybe Liam was right, and I was definitely hoping he was.