Fix Me

2.

I buried myself further into the tree as I saw my mom walk into my room. Yes, I was hiding again, but not to avoid anyone; I just wanted to be alone. I saw her sigh, and couldn't help the feeling of guilt that spread through me. I know she wants nothing more than for me to be this social butterfly, but that's not who I am. Being around people makes me nervous, and I panic. I want my mom to be happy, but I need to change in order for that to happen.

I tried as best I could to brush it off and went back to reading my book. The Sweet Far Thing. It's one of my favorites, and it's the third and final book in the series. I've probably read it twenty times, and the worn look the book has shows it. The pages are bent, and they've definitely lost some of the color; they're more of a beige than a white like they used to be. I slowly opened my book up to the right page, and began reading. I bit my lip as Gemma went inside the Winterlands, and started to turn the page. Unfortunately, the book slid off my lap, and in trying to recover it, the page ripped right out of the book. My jaw dropped and I quickly scrambled to climb down. I went to reach for it, but a hand beat me to it. A moment of panic started to build at the thought of it being my mom, but as I looked up I realized it was Niall. Of course, that didn't help my panic in any way, but only made it worse. I decided to ignore it though as he handed the book back to me.

"I'm sorry about your book," he started, gesturing at all of the bent pages, and the one in my hand.

I frowned, and tried to stop myself from crying in front of him over a book. "Uh.. it's fine."

"It is?"

"Not really, no."

He gave me a sympathetic look as I wiped under my eyes with my sleeve.

"I feel so stupid for crying over a book."

"It looks like it's really important to you."

"Kind of. I got it a while back while I was in London, along with the first two. This is the last one. I've read it a million times, and now I can't." I saw the look on his face and immediately felt bad. "I'm s-sorry. That sounds so ridiculous, and its not like I'm blaming you for anything, because it's definitely not your f-fault.." I rambled.

"Livana, right?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Do you want to go for a walk or something?"

"I-I can't. I have to help my mom with this thing."

His eyes showed how deeply it hurt him to be rejected, and it only added to my guilt.

"No really, I have to help my mom with this thing downtown! It's like a bake sale or something, but I don't even want to do it! I'd much rather go on a walk with you! Will you come with me?"

He laughed at my final sentence, but nodded. I felt a little more relaxed now that he agreed to come with me because I was really going to need someone there to talk to.

I motioned for him to follow me inside because I wasn't wearing any shoes. And now that my white socks have touched the soft muddy ground, I needed to change them. As soon as I opened the door, my mom came running around the corner to see me. She gave me a huge hug and sighed with relief. Then she slowly moved away from me, eyes narrowed.

"This is Niall. Niall, this is my mom."

"Wow, you must be pretty special to actually get my daughter in the house," she smiled, then moved her eyes to me, taking me in. "Why aren't you wearing shoes? And why are your socks all muddy?"

"The ground was muddy?"

"And again, why aren't you wearing shoes?"

This conversation is not going anywhere that will benefit me. I could feel my cheeks heat up in panic, and I started breathing a little faster.