The Truth Is Sometimes Worse Than The Lie

Fears (MCD)

Hey, look at that. A mid-migraine Zander decided to post a chapter. Yeah, enjoy the angst! 😊

There he stood before me. "You think he'll love you? After everything we've done together? You've fought against him for so long. He could never love someone like you."
I could feel my allodoxaphobia flaring up but I shoved it down. I couldn't let Shad get to me. "I did what I had to. You act as if I had much of a choice."
He smirked. "But you did, didn't you? You could have told your brothers years ago. You could have prevented ALL of this."
It was too late. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. He was winning. He was right. If I could have swallowed my pride sooner things would be different. I clutched my head, a headache starting to form.
"Come back to me Luna. You will never be whole with them. The Nether will fuel you. We could be... family..."
My head shot up at that. I backed away, then scrambled. "No. No! NO! I can't. No. No. No."
My head swirled with thoughts. None of them good and all of them more terrifying than the last. A panic attack consumed me as I struggled to get away from Shad but no matter how far I tried to stumble back, I ended up closer and closer to him. I attempted to regain my footing and run, but that was more fruitless than before. I ended up running at him. Realized that I couldn't run and couldn't fight, there was only one option left. I curled into a ball and sobbed. I wasn't a monster. I didn't have to listen to him. He doesn't control me anymore. So why does it feel like he still does? I felt a hand on my back which I quickly swatted away and scrambled away from.
"Don't you want to be family?"
His voice almost matched Zane's.
I that I had to fight against the urge to tackle hug him. 'This isn't Zane. This is Shad. He's playing into your want for a family. You have to fight him' I told myself. "No. No no no no no no no no no no. NO!" I screamed. "You are not and will never be family! My family would never try to control me!"
He scoffed, "Haven't they? Laurence made you tell your brother. Your own mother made you trade your life for Vylad's!"
More tears streamed down my face. "NO! I made those choices on my own! I had a push from them but I did them willingly. Mom still doesn't know I traded my soul for Vylad, so she can't be blamed for that!"
He chuckled darkly, "Aw, poor little Luna's in denial. Can't accept that everyone they've ever loved has betrayed them." I curled further in on myself. "Good luck out there Luna. Just remember that the Nether will always take you back."
I tried to block him out but I could feel the tug. He was trying to shake me as well for some reason.
"LUNA!"
Wait.
That's not Shad's voice.