Sour Patch Kids || Outer Banks

36. Fuck Love

JJ always compared her to the sun. But in fact, Devyn Odessa Keoka related much more to the moon. A part of her was always hidden away. No matter what phase of emptiness she was experiencing, she never failed to bring light to others. She was beauty in the dark, completely unreachable no matter how hard you tried. She was the type of girl that you wished on stars for, that was so unimaginably loyal it hurt, but could also be your worst enemy.

At this moment in time, she was her own worst enemy. She was in a constant flux between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all, and right now, she couldn't quite decipher which state she was in. She was scared. And she hated being scared. She was scared for JJ, for whatever trouble he was surely going to get himself into. She was scared for her friends because she knew that Barry and her brother we're going to come after them for their earlier actions. She couldn't even bother to feel fear for herself, for the pain and hurt and agony she knew was surely headed her way. No matter how hard she tried to force herself to listen to the worried rants of her friends, she couldn't bring herself to.

Devyn was angry. Angry at JJ, at Barry, but most of all, angry at herself. Because there was no denying that she had fallen in love with JJ Maybank. Although they never said it to each other, they both knew.

JJ said I love you in the way he looked at her, as if she had hung the moon and the stars and created the universe. He said I love you with every stolen kiss, every longing glance, every caress of her cheek and everything he did and didn't say. He said I love you in the way he thought of her, the way he kept her safe, the way he would do absolutely anything to protect her. He had seen the darkest parts of her, the parts she hid away, the parts that kept her awake at night, and he stayed anyways. And it scared Devyn shitless.

In her eyes, love made you weak, vulnerable even. It was something that could be used against you, something that would only hurt you in the end. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not stop loving the spastic blonde hot-head that wormed his way into her battered and blue and black heart.

Devyn was brought out of her thoughts by a gentle hand on the small of her back, her muddy eyes looking up to see Pope looking down at her warmly, a sympathetic smile coating his gentle features.

"Look, Dev, he'll come around, alright?" John B told her, his voice gentler than it usually was. "It's...He's doing a JJ thing."

"You think he'll go home?" Sarah asked, completely oblivious —as usual— to the truth behind JJ's home life.

"There's about a zero percent chance that JJ goes home," Kiara sighed deeply, chewing on her fingernail nervously.

Devyn stopped listening as John B checked on Sarah, trying to make sure that she was alright after the chaos the group had just been through. She felt anger rise within her as Pope began thinking out loud about how to get the money for the gold.

Was that seriously their biggest concern right now? Their best friend has just run off after stealing thousands of dollars from a drug dealer, and all they could think about was some stupid gold.

Her jaw clenched tightly they continued to try and formulate a plan that wouldn't get them killed. In an attempt to calm her anger, Devyn got off of the kitchen chair she was sitting on, plopping in front of Kiara, who took the hint to play with her hair.

Devyn only began listening again as Pope and John B started arguing, the former saying how he couldn't get the gold tonight because he had to go fishing with Sarah's dad in the morning.

"You can't get 400 mil 'cause you're gonna go kill fish?" Pope scoffed incredulously, annoyance flooding his tone.

"Look, I have to go," John B shook his head in protest.

"Blow it off!" Pope exclaimed exasperatedly, eyes ready to fall out of his head from how wide they were open.

"It's 400 million in gold!" Kie scoffed at him. "Make something up!"

"Look I...I have to, okay?" John B sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair, looking to Devyn for support, who just stared blankly at him. "He...he saved me, alright? If it weren't for Ward, I'd be in foster care. So...I have to go. Plus, it'll be better to do it at night, right?"

"Fine. Fine. Go fishing," Pope sighed defeatedly, watching as Kiara continued to play with Devyn's hair to calm her down. "And at least JJ will probably have washed up by then."

Devyn stood up, not saying a word as she entered John B's room and slammed the door, plopping face-first into his pillows with a groan.

They should've cared more about whatever trouble JJ was getting himself into. It was eating her up, and they were acting as though it were nothing.

She could hear their muffled voices outside the door, arguing about who should go in and talk to her, which made her groan again into the pillow in frustration.

"John B should do it," Pope whispered loudly.

"I'm her best friend!" Kiara protested.

"Yeah, but I'm her brother," John argued.

"I could try?"

"Shut up, Sarah."

She stilled as the door opened quietly, feeling the bed dip with someone's weight next to her.

"I know you're worried, Bug," John B spoke gently, rubbing her back soothingly. "About all of it, but it's gonna be fine, okay?"

Devyn nodded gently into the pillow, a deep sigh emitting from her chest as she rolled over, resting her head in John B's lap.

"I know you're scared. For him, for all of us," John B continued quietly. "But we're gonna figure it out, yeah?"

"Yeah," Devyn mumbled, nodding against his leg. "It's all gonna fine."

They both knew she didn't believe it, but it made her feel better for a second. And that was all she needed.

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a/n:
hey fuckers! sorry i hate myself for taking so long to update but i have exams soon and have had so much homework :(( BUT i go on break soon so I will be spamming tf out of this story.  please let me know what you thought, the comments make my day! i am so grateful for each and every one of you!!

love y'all
-ayden