Killing Thoughts

Underneath

The rain drips down the window

I feel heavier than before

Everything I had ever dreamed of

Was swiped away from me in an instant

A pit inside grows deeper

Every step I take it becomes more empty

I feel like every time I cry

 there's less of me inside

I hate looking at happy families

They make me mad because that's something I've never had

But I don't think any family is truly happy

There's always something underneath the smiles

There are lies and secrets that hold them back

I grew up in a church where the parents were married 

My friends all had siblings

They would complain and tell me that I was lucky

But they don't know how lonely it is 

It's just me and my mom

And she doesn't care

So maybe if I had a sibling 

I wouldn't be alone any more

I was always jealous of the families I saw

But maybe I am lucky

I'm not stuck in a pit of lies deception hatred and fake love

So maybe it's a gift to be alone

When you are alone no can hurt you

No one but yourself

When you are alone no one can desert you

 You are just stuck with yourself

You can never trust anyone

No one but yourself

And even sometimes you mess up

And then your back in the pit of hell

Till then I will walk alone till the sun sets on the arch

Till the warm sand underneath my feet grows cold

I will walk through the night never wavering never stopping

Step by step tell I reach a different world