Blank Slate Kate

Chapter 12

Jake and I barely speak as we return to his apartment. The whole trip home, I can still feel Ryan's eyes burning into my back, like I did as I walked away from him with Jake beside me, and it doesn't make me feel like chatting.

Jake seems just as preoccupied, but once we're inside, safely in the only home I remember as an adult, he turns to me and says, "How are you?"

I make a sound that's like a laugh with all its humor amputated. "I don't know."

"Yeah. I can imagine." He looks at me a moment then tentatively opens his arms to me.

I probably shouldn't, but I step forward and wrap my arms around him as he cuddles me close.

His hand slides over my hair, but it's a sweet gesture not a sexy one. Even my limited experience makes that clear, and if it hadn't his next words would have done the job. "I don't think I'm going to get to be your first remembered time."

On one level it's weird that he's pointing it out, but I get it too. He doesn't want me to wonder what he's thinking.

"I guess not," I say, then realize something.

I don't have to go back to Ryan.

Yes, we're married. Before I left he told me he'd brought our wedding album to Toronto at the cop's suggestion and would show it to me tomorrow. I both want and don't want to see it. I'll be so disappointed if it doesn't bring my memories back.

But marriages end up all the time, for far worse reasons than 'I don't remember anything about you'. Everyone's assuming I'll troop obediently off to Ottawa eventually but I have the power to say no to that.

But I'm not ready to say no, not until I know more about Ryan and about my other self. I'll learn about him tomorrow; tonight is about Donna.

Jake smoothes my hair again and says, "So, what do you want to do tonight?"

"Play with my phone, of course."

We both laugh and he releases me, but I'm not joking. "I need to know why Donna left and who she is. I bet some of that's in the phone, and in the pouch Ryan gave me."

"Could be. Well, do you want help or should I sculpt while you check it all out?"

I look up at him and my throat tightens. "Jake, you've been so amazing to me. I can't thank you enough."

He gives me a sad smile. "You have thanked me. By helping Hannah, and by encouraging me to do more with my sculptures, and also you've said thank you about a thousand times since Hannah called you on it. So I think we're good."

Our eyes lock, and I know he wants to kiss me. I want him to.

But we both pull away at once.

He shakes his head. "Go sit on the couch where I can't reach you. You're too cute for your own good, Donna."

I flinch. "Call me Kate. Please. I don't know who Donna is yet."

He nods. "I will call you... Spartacus."

I have to laugh. "Why, exactly?"

"Why not?"

I settle onto the couch with my leather pouch and roll my eyes. "Fine. I'll call you... um... damn it." I can't think of anything fast enough.

He laughs. "'Damn it' is a weird name, but whatever you say, Spartacus."

I giggle, then sober as he moves my sculpture of his hand out of the way. "I guess I won't get to finish that."