Blank Slate Kate

Chapter 20

I stare at Ryan, hardly able to breathe. My Jake? Well, he's not mine, but whatever. That guy, the sweetheart who saved me from the fight at his bar and from the guys who'd got me drunk so they could do who knows what with me? "I can't believe that."

"I have the police report if you want to see it."

"I don't. Tell me." I don't want to know but there's an unpleasant little tickle at the back of my mind, something I'm trying to ignore which will not be ignored any longer.

Ryan's first words bring the tickle front and center and make it real. "We only have Jake's word for how he met you and how he helped you. His boss saw you at the fight and saw Jake take you inside, but after that he told the investigator he was too busy to see anything else except you leaving, drunk, with Jake when the bar closed. There's no way to know what really happened. He might have drugged you, taken whatever money you had with you, he might even have... done things to you."

"I asked him if we had sex," I say, my mind whirling. "That first day, I asked. He said no."

Ryan strokes the back of my hand with his thumb. "So maybe you were having doubts even then."

I withdraw my other hand and rub my face, then to my surprise slip that hand back into Ryan's grip. I want the comfort of his touch. "I don't know." I look up at his concerned face. "I can't imagine Jake a rapist. Dragging some woman off the street... I just can't see it."

Ryan shakes his head. "It wasn't like that. The woman claimed they'd met at his bar and were fooling around but then he wouldn't stop when she didn't want to go any further."

The way that police officer had eyed me before letting me leave with Jake. She'd known about the charge. "Was he just charged? Or was he convicted?"

"Just charged. The woman insisted she'd said no, Jake insisted she hadn't, and she eventually decided not to take it to a trial."

I frown. "Why not? If I'd been raped I'd want to make sure the bastard got what was coming to him."

Ryan nods slowly. "The problem is the 'he-said-she-said' thing. They'd have to be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that Jake was told no and went ahead anyhow and that's really hard to do."

I look down at the table. I have no idea what to say. I want to say there's no way Jake would have done that, but I can't. Not that I think he's cruel or abusive, but he's not a noticing kind of guy and, though I hate it, I can imagine him simply not hearing her say no. She'd been saying yes while they were fooling around, and he might not have recognized her change of attitude when it happened.

Ryan squeezes my hands. "I'm sorry. I really am. I figured I'd find out he had a few outstanding parking tickets, or an ex-wife he hadn't mentioned. I never thought there'd be something like this."

I raise my head. "Why'd you investigate him at all without telling me? I should have known."

His eyes hold mine. "If I'd found nothing I wasn't going to tell you I looked into him."

Rage flashes through me. "So you'd keep me in the dark. Can't trust me to handle it? Big man Ryan gets to decide what happens to me?"

He's taken aback. "I didn't mean it like--"

"Maybe not but that's what you did. Choosing on your own what's right for me. Don't do it any more. I am in charge of my own life, Ryan, and don't you dare forget it." I push my chair back. "I have to go."

"Donna, wait," he says, but I head out of the restaurant.

He catches me at the door. "Don't run away. Please. We need to talk."