Blank Slate Kate

Chapter 21

Sunday night I sit with Hannah, Jake, and Ryan at Starbucks. I'm in a big comfortable chair but it's hard to imagine how I could feel less comfortable. Jake and Ryan are about as relaxed as two lions fighting over territory, and Hannah hasn't noticed because she's babbling away about her first real client for her fashion consulting business. I'm trying to focus on her words but mostly thinking about the weekend's events.

After Jake swore he hadn't assaulted me, we spent a few more minutes trying to chat and be comfortable with each other but then I pretended to be exhausted and left. Once I reached the sidewalk I sent Ryan a message letting him know what happened and he asked me to come see him at his hotel.

Walking into his room and seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt for the first time had felt really strange. He'd been so professional-looking every other time I'd seen him, and in his casual clothes he seemed like a stranger.

An attractive stranger.

With whom I was alone in a hotel room.

I told him what Jake had said and he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry. I hated telling you," and I knew that he meant it even though I'd be far less likely to leave him for Jake if I thought Jake was a rapist.

Ryan and I spent an hour in his room, first discussing the Jake situation and then talking about what we'd do with the rest of the weekend, and when it came time for me to leave I briefly considered staying instead because I wanted to keep growing closer to him. His goodbye hug was tight, and longer than our previous hugs, so I thought maybe he felt the same way. But I didn't know. We didn't talk about it.

Not then, anyhow. On Saturday, as we spent the day roaming the Eaton Centre to buy new suits for Ryan and "anything you want" for me, he admitted that he'd nearly asked me to stay but had thought it would be awkward. I couldn't quite bring myself to tell him how I'd felt, because I didn't feel ready for him to ask me to stay that night, but I did say that next weekend he could stay with me instead of in a hotel. The way his eyes lit up with a deep warmth at my words made me feel warm inside too.

We met at seven in the morning on Sunday at his request, which I didn't understand until he surprised me with a day trip to Niagara Falls. The two-hour drive went by in a flash as we laughed and chatted, and since I didn't remember ever seeing the Falls it was lovely to be there. We enjoyed the trip back too, which again seemed to take no time at all as we grew even more relaxed with each other, and now we're as comfortable with each other as if we've known each other for years. Remembered years, that is.

I can tell Jake has noticed, and he hates it. I was supposed to meet him and Hannah at Starbucks after Ryan left since Hannah wanted more help with her business, but a huge accident on the highway means Ryan won't be leaving until late tonight and so I'd texted Jake and Hannah and asked if he could come along.

Hannah was delighted since she hadn't met him and wanted to, and she seems to like him. Jake just said, "Fine," and he's barely spoken to Ryan other than a 'Hey' when we arrived. He's talked a little more to me but the tension between us hasn't gone away. Ryan did try to chat with him but gave up and is now talking to Hannah about her business.

Hannah waves her arms a bit too exuberantly as she speaks and knocks over her coffee cup. "Ah, shit!"

I leap up and grab a stack of napkins, and she and I soak up the mess while Jake says, "I'll get you another one."

She looks up and smiles. "Really? You don't have to do that."

"No friend of mine should go without coffee," he says, and heads to the counter.

The happiness in her eyes dims a fraction, and I imagine the word 'friend' ringing in her head. She doesn't want to just be Jake's friend. I still don't think he's noticed.