Blank Slate Kate

Chapter 15

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good evening unpacking."

I smile at Ryan. "Will do. I hope you and Claire enjoy the movie."

He rolls his eyes. "You've got to be kidding me. If I'm lucky I won't throw up halfway through. I shouldn't have eaten so much for dinner."

Claire, monster that she clearly is, has insisted that Ryan take her to see "Run Screaming 3", widely considered to be the nastiest slasher flick ever made. Ryan said I could come too, but I'm too afraid Claire might attack me in the theater.

"Yeah. Well, good luck."

We stand looking at each other, then he reaches out and gives my shoulder another of his awkward squeezes.

My heart melts. The poor man. His wife's been missing for weeks, and then this stranger returns in her place, looking like her but not being her. But he's putting aside his own feelings and doing everything he can to help the stranger, me, feel relaxed and happy. What a sweetheart.

Before I can decide whether I should, I reach out and wrap my arms around his neck.

He stiffens then pulls me close. His embrace doesn't feel familiar, but it doesn't feel bad either. Being in his arms feels good, actually. Safe.

We hold each other for a moment then he releases me and steps back. "Thank you. Thank you for trying to get to know me."

I look up, surprised at the emotion in his voice. He sounds near tears, and I don't think he's the crying type. My throat tightens in sympathy. "Of course I'm trying. I want to." To lighten the mood a bit, I add, "I mean, you're not an ax murderer, are you?"

He laughs. "No, but that stupid movie will probably make me one."

I give a fake shudder and he says, "See you tomorrow, Donna. Take care."

"You too."

I head into the subway station and though I don't look back I can feel him watching me go. He didn't want me to go alone, suggesting instead that he take me to my new place in a taxi, but then I'd have felt compelled to let him come inside and help me unpack and I really don't want to. In my memories I've never lived on my own, and this is my chance. I want to make my apartment my home all by myself, and I also need some peace and quiet to get my head around all that's happened.

He seemed disappointed but said he understood I needed some time alone, even though I was careful not to use those words in case they hurt him. He always seems to understand what I'm thinking and feeling, and yet again I wonder what made Donna run. It seems that Ryan would have understood and not made her keep going to the treatments if she'd really explained how she felt. But she must not have thought so.

I need to find out what she thought.

I arrive on the subway platform just as my train pulls away, so I take out my phone to again search it for clues. I haven't found much in it yet, but since Ryan says Donna always had the phone with her there must be something.

There's a little red number one beside the application store icon, so I go in there and look around until I find out that the number means there's an update available for Bubbly Words.

Jake told me to always read the description of an update so I'd be sure I wanted it, so now I read about how Bubbly Words has more words in its database, a new nighttime mode so it doesn't hurt your eyes in the dark, and...

I frown.

The secure area has been enlarged to a maximum of one megabyte.

What secure area?

Since I'm at an open-air subway station rather than underground my phone's network is still active, so I start downloading the update then immediately wish I hadn't because now I can't open Bubbly Words until it's finished. I don't want to play, obviously. I want into that secure area. Did Donna know about it? Most likely. I haven't found any of Donna's secrets and I want to. Maybe they're hiding in Bubbly Words.

That guy's name in my wallet. Bruce something. I meant to ask Ryan who he is but I forgot. After checking for the guy's full name, I send Ryan a text message.

Do  you know Bruce Williams? His name and some numbers that might be a locker combo are in my wallet. Just wondered why.

I could also ask him about the weird picture of fur, but I decide not to, not yet anyhow. It just doesn't feel as important as the numbers somehow. One bizarre question at a time.

A subway train arrives, but Bubbly Words isn't finished downloading so I stand back and let the train leave without me. By the time the next one arrives the phone's busy installing the new version so I hop aboard and find myself a seat.

The subway rattles along, and I lean back and think about my therapy session. Could I have forgotten on purpose? Why did my memories vanish back to when I was seventeen? Why not sixteen or eighteen or even twenty-one? Doctor Ferraro seems convinced the dates are important.  They could be. Or it could be entirely random.

Ryan didn't meet me until I was twenty-four, so I'm not surprised that when I asked about my teenage self he couldn't tell me whether I might have been running from some painful memory. Ethan would know about our childhoods, and about my teen years, but he hasn't answered my email yet. I hope he does soon. I need to know what happened when I was seventeen that I didn't want to remember.

Assuming, of course, that Doctor Ferraro isn't wrong. It could be simply coincidence.

The train moves out of a tunnel into the darkening night, and my phone dings to signal a text message.

Bruce Williams is a country singer MMC represents. Nice guy. About seventy-five years old. Give me the numbers and I'll ask Nadine.

I text back the numbers and a thank you, then notice with delight that Bubbly Words is ready for me.

More than ready, as it turns out: despite everything I can think of the program refuses to let me into any secret area. It's not that I can't give it the right password: I can't even make it ask me for one. The thing's locked down tight.

Locked just like my memories.