Ineffable

Cancer Patient

Sitting at my boring desk, it hits me

I have always said I want to die of cancer

Which is always followed by

"That's horrible, I want to die in my sleep"

With the tears on the clock trying too hard not to leave work early, it hits me

Everyone cares about the cancer patient

My family would finally tell me they love me and might even say they're sorry

I might not have a lot of friends come

But the ones who do will bring flowers

My best friend who is always busy

Will finally clear up time for me

I would become the first cancer patient who is dying, but isn't suffering

And then I will die with some foreign warmth

And my grandma will say for the first time

"She was a good woman"

And my dad would say

"She was too good for the only love I could give her"

And my sister would say

"She was great"

After all my years of being

I will eventually,

Finally, be a was

The was that I have wanted to be since I was fourteen

The was I almost became twice

But that would have been my first selfish action

And then I would have been selfish

But with cancer,

I was strong

Was sweet

Was amazing

Was

I just want to be a was in place of the am no one sees me as