After we finished eating, Jai went back into the living room leaving Luke and me alone. Why was I so nervous? I shouldn’t be nervous, not at all. Nope, I shouldn’t be. But I am. I am really nervous.
I was cleaning up the table and counter tops when Luke said “So you and Dean seem really close. Have you two always been close or no?” He asked carefully, and I knew why he did also. I kind of figured he knew about my mum and dad and everything in between, so I can see why he would ask carefully.
I turned around and looked at him, “Yeah. We have always been close, he is the one person who really gets me. He sees me for me and nothing else. He accepts me and loves me because I am me and I love him because he is Dean and no one else.” I answered, looking him in the eyes the whole time. He stared right back at me, he didn’t even move. Then he said something I didn’t expect to hear at all.
“But does he know you are breaking?” He asked coolly. I just looked at him. He didn’t know me, he knew nothing about me. I just stared at him. How dare he ask me that, he has no right.
I didn’t answer right away. I just looked at him, and he looked at me. Then I got to thinking, am I breaking? And if I am, can Dean see it? I thought back to everything that has happened lately. I have been faking it all and I don’t really think Dean has noticed. I am breaking, one piece at a time and a guy I barely know saw right past me, saw who I really was.
“I don’t know.” I croaked, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I finally turned around so he couldn’t see that I was about to cry.
Luke POV:
“I don’t know.” She croaked. I could see she was about to cry, it took her about 3 minutes to answer, I could tell I caught her off guard, and that she had to really think about the question. At first when I asked I saw anger in her eyes, pure anger. Then her eyes softened as she thought about it. I was going to tell her she doesn’t have to answer, but then she did. She was breaking and I could see it. No one else could though. After Dean and Alex left I went to my room and laid down. I thought about how she acted, how strong she seemed. But then, I remember someone telling me that ‘they may seem strong, but they might be trying to hide how they really feel, they just don’t want to hurt or burden people.’
I watched her turn around, she had her back to me now, just in case her tears did spill. I don’t know when but at some point when she was had her back to me, I made my way over and pulled her in for a hug. She had her head on my shoulder and I had my head on hers. I couldn’t tell if she was crying but all I knew was that she was holding on tightly and I didn’t want to let her go.
She finally pulled away and looked down, she wiped her face with her hands and that is when I knew she was crying. I put my hand under her chin and had her look up at me and saw her eyes were red and a little puffy. “How could you tell?” she asked questioningly. I just looked in her beautiful eyes. As I was looking at them I realized they changed colors. They were an emerald green, I guess they change colors when she cries, but still they were beautiful, she was beautiful.
I finally answered her “You just seemed to well put together to not be okay.” I said to her calmly. She just looked at me, and I looked back. “Oh, okay.” She said, she looked down biting her lip. She looked so hot when she bit her lip, so sexy. She looked back up at me and asked “Do you think Dean can tell?” She asked looking a little concerned for some reason.
“Sometimes. Yesterday you could tell her knew, but today, I don’t think so.” I answered truthfully.
She looked a little relieved. “Okay, good.” She said, turning away from me as she went back to cleaning. I was really confused. Why good? Why was it good her own twin couldn’t see she was hurting? “Why good?” I finally asked.
She didn’t turn around when she answered, “Because he is hurt and I don’t want him to feel like he has to take care of me.” She answered like it was nothing.
“So you rather keep all your pain inside than let it out?” I asked. She finally turned around when she answered “Why should I burden people with my problems when they have their own? I rather help him than help myself.” She answered this like that was the answer to all problems. I just didn’t understand.
“But why?” I asked wanting to know so badly.
“Why not?” she asked.
“But why must you hide your pain? Why can’t you tell Dean how you are feeling?” I asked her wanting to know why.
She was getting annoyed now, you could just tell. “Because he is my brother, and he is in enough pain as it is! I don’t want him to feel my pain as well.” She spat at me. I could see something in her that yearned to get out as she said that to me, it was like she wanted to say it all, but she just couldn’t.
She turned back around and went to the other side of the counter to wipe it down.
“You don’t have to hide from me.” I said. I don’t know where it came from, but I am glad I said it. It felt good to say it. When I said that her head shot up, and her eyes searched my face. She walked over to me and looked up in my face, she was really searching my face for something. Her face was so close to mine. She smelled like vanilla and it was amazing. She was biting her lip and it was driving me crazy. I just wanted to kiss her.
“You don’t even know me.” She said still inches from my face. She was right, I didn’t really know her, but I didn’t really care. I wanted to know her, everything about her. She is so different, and I like it.
“I want to know you.” I said as I put my arms around her waist. She just stared up at me, he face was turning red and it was like no one has ever said that to her before. But I don’t understand why no one would say that to her, she was beautiful.
“What is going on in here?” I heard Skip say, when I looked up I saw him and Dean in the kitchen as they were throw their garbage out. Alex took my arms away and said “Nothing.”
Dean was looking over at her. He looked angry and Alex just looked at him.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” He said quickly, he looked at me then her. I don’t know why he seemed so mad. I looked over at Alex who was staring at Dean with a look that said it all. ‘I can take care of myself.’
“What’s going on in here?” James asked as he walked in seeing that something was up from the living room. By then everybody was in here. Alex and Dean were still staring at each other very intently.
“Nothing apparently.” Dean said when he finally dropped his face. He threw away the garbage and walked back into the living room. Alex was looking at the floor, her fists balling up. Then I saw a tear drop from her eyes. I was about to grab her hand when she closed her eyes and walked to the back deck slamming the door on the way out. I saw her standing out there with her arms crossed across her chest. I looked back over to the guys and they were staring at me. I moved over to see Dean staring out the front window, he had his arms crossed across his chest and just stood there. You could tell they were twins just by that.
“What happened?” Jai finally asked me, I forgot they were all standing in here.
“Luke had his arms around Alex’s waist and I guess Dean didn’t like that.” Skip said with a little smile.
The guys looked at me with their eye brows up and a couple of them had little smiles on their lips. I looked at them and shrugged. “We were just talking.” I said as I looked back at Alex, she hadn’t moved since I last looked.
We decided it was best to leave. We all told Dean goodbye, and as we were walking out the door when Dean came in and asked if we all still wanted to go tomorrow. We all looked at each other, Skip nodded right away signaling he was still in, so did James, and Beau. Jai and I looked at each other and then we nodded yes.
“Alright, 11 o’clock we leave see you then. Oh and sorry about tonight with Alex and I. It has been hard on both of us, especially Alex.” He said looking over to her. She still didn’t move from her spot. So he did know how she felt. Note to self-Luke, never dought siblings. Especially twins.
“It is okay, dude. We understand.” Jai said, and we all nodded in agreement.
As we walked back home, I went outside to check on Alex. Dean stood outside holding her, her back was to me and it was shaking, she was crying. I wish I was holding her, I wish that was me.
