When we got to my house Luke ran over to me quickly and he gave me a kiss on the lips. “Good luck. Text me when you get home.” Then he was gone. My lips were still tingling from the kiss when I walked in the house.
“Dean! Are you home?” I yelled through the house. I walked into the living room seeing he was not there. He must be in his room.
“Yup, I’m in my room.” He yelled back. I knew it.
I ran up the stairs and stopped at his door. I pushed it open and found him on his bed, it looked like he just woke up, ‘Wow he is lazy’ but then I remembered it was only 11 o’clock in the morning. He looked over at me and smiled. I gave my best smile trying to hide the fact that I was upset but he saw right through it.
“What’s wrong?” He asked getting out of his bed.
“Nothing, hey um, do you want to grab a bite to eat?” I asked trying to avoid the question. He was watching me and I could tell he knew something was wrong but of course he did, he knew me better than anyone.
“Tell me what is wrong first then we will go.” He said crossing his arms over his chest.
“I’m hungry that’s what’s wrong. So get dressed and meet me down stairs.” I turned around and quickly ran down stairs. I was getting upset again and I had to get myself under control before he came down otherwise he wouldn’t let us leave until I told him what was up. I finally decided to go out to the car. When I got in the car I thought it might be good idea to start our game up again, maybe I would be able to avoid the questions. When he walked out I quickly turned up the volume and started the car. When he heard the music blaring he jumped so high I thought he was going to fly. I was laughing so hard that I almost fell out of the car. ‘Pocket Full of Sunshine’ was playing and he just stood there. “You lost, you dance!” I shouted to him and he ran over to me. “Not without you!” He yelled as he pulled me out of the car.
We were jumping around the drive way, spinning around, Dean doing his flips and me doing cart wheels around the drive way. It was like nothing bad had ever happened and things were good again. When the song ended, we were both out of breath and laughing so hard we thought our stomachs were going to fall out. We finally got in the car and before we drove off I looked up and saw Luke, Jai and Beau all smiling at us. They waved and I saw Luke wink at me, I could feel myself blush as I bit my lip. I guess Dean saw them also because then he elbowed me in the arm and said “Looks like we have a fan club.” I laughed as I backed out of the drive way.
Most of the drive was full of laughter and smiles as we both were dancing and singing to the music. But then the laughter stopped, the smiles disappeared and it became silent. Dean turned the music off and I could feel his eyes on me. I didn’t look over because I knew if I did I would regret it.
“So, are you going to tell me what is wrong with you?” Dean asked.
“Nothing is wrong with me Dean. I Just wanted to hang out with you.” I said to him sounding too sure of myself.
“You are such a liar.” He said to me.
“Well you are a bad dancer.” I said back to him with a proud smile on my lips. I knew he rolled his eyes because he made the noise he always does when he rolls his eyes.
We finally arrived at a diner that Melody took us to when we first moved here. I remember her telling us that they had the best french fries, and they do. They are amazing. The first couple of nights being here, Dean and I would sneak out to come here and get milkshakes and french fries because we couldn’t sleep. We would stay for a couple hours just talking and laughing sometimes even crying, then we would leave full of french fries and milkshake. It was great.
We both got out of the car and walked in. We sat down and looked through the menu. The waitress finally came and took our order. Dean and I both got chicken sandwiches with a side of french fries and Pepsi’s. Yes, we both eat the same thing also. The waitress brought our drinks over and we both took a sip of them at the same time.
Dean then looked up at me and we just starred at each other for a couple of minutes when he finally said something “So, Luke has been sleeping in your room a lot” I was so relieved he changed the subject that I thought I was going to choke on my drink when he finished the last part of his sentence, “so, have you had sex with him?” I almost spit my drink at him but I was able to catch myself and swallow it. It took me a couple of seconds to catch my breath again and process what he just asked me. I looked at him in shock, that was the last thing I expected to hear. He was looking at me with the most relaxed expression on his face, like what he just asked me wasn’t a big deal at all.
“No Dean! We did not have sex.” I said is a hushed but harsh tone. I couldn’t believe he just asked me that.
“Well how am I supposed to know, you don’t talk to me anymore.” He said harshly.
“What are you talking about Dean, I talk to you all the time.” I spat back at him.
“Yeah, when? When was the last time you sat down and actually talked to me about how you have been feeling?” He spat back at me. One things for sure, if you didn’t know we were twins, watch us fight, then you would know. Dean and I didn’t fight often but when we do, we go at it.
“When we went to see Roman, I told you how I was feeling then.” I said to him raising my voice a bit. I looked around the diner making sure no one was looking at me and thank God because no one was.
“No Alex, you didn’t tell me how you felt then. In fact you haven’t told me how you have been feeling since dad died. You drifted away from me, then Luke came along and now I never see you.” Dean spat at me. Great, now he is angry.
“Don’t pull Luke into this Dean, and I saw you last night with the guys and the day before that and the day before that. So don’t try to pull that you haven’t seen me, and I wouldn’t have to hide my feelings from you if you would just listen to me and not criticize me. When I talk to you about my feelings you automatically go into this mode where you think you are 2 years older than me, not 2 minutes. You try to solve my problems when I don’t want you to, I just want you to listen to them!” I spat right back at him. It felt like my words were venom coming from a snake. Dean looked a bit hurt at first but then his eyes changed, they became full of anger. Great, now how am I going to tell him about Roman?
“Alright Alex, talk. How do you feel? Tell me. I want to hear it. Tell me how you have been feeling.” He said with a little violence in his voice. His fist hit the table as he sat up straighter, when he the table, it shook so hard are drinks almost spilled and I had to catch them. When I looked up at him he looked a lot bigger than he really was, even though he was sitting down I felt like he was towering over me. I was so angry then. It was like I was a little kid again getting caught telling a lie and Dean was trying to get the truth out of me. But I wasn’t a little kid and he wasn’t catching me in a lie. I don’t even know what came over me but then I sat up and got in his face, I could hear a low growl leave his lips but I didn’t back down. He can’t intimidate me, I am his sister. I am the last person he would be able to scare.
We weren’t sitting there very long when I got fed up with him playing the tough guy act. He wanted to know how I felt? Fine, I’ll tell him “Fine Dean, you really want to know, then I will tell you. I feel broken Dean. I feel like a mirror that was shattered into a million pieces because someone decided to come up with a hammer and slam it into me. I feel depressed because my father is gone and he is not coming back any time soon because of a mistake that I made. I feel like I disappointed everyone because so many people looked up to dad and now he is gone. I feel weak because I have to be strong for so many people around me. But you want to know what I feel the most Dean, you really want to know? I feel pain. I feel so much pain because the world decided to rip the one thing out of my life that made me feel okay. With dad I knew it was okay to not to always be strong, or depressed or broken. I feel so much pain and I don’t know what to do with it. I feel like I am one more hit away from falling and no one can see it but you and Luke. Do you know how much that hurts Dean? Dad is gone and Roman is dying. Everyone I love is disappearing and I feel like it is all my fault and no matter what people say, I will always feel like that because it is my fault Dean, it is my fault that dad is dead.”
