dear diary

can i kiss you?

(TW panic attack, negative thoughts, remus)
(virgil pov)
"So do we want popcorn or chips??"
"What about both?" I say as we look at the bags of chips and popcorn in the store.
"Great choice"
He smiles and puts some chips bags and popcorn bags into our basket.
"We need something to drink and Logan asked us to buy some butter" he looks up from his phone.
"We could split up so it goes faster, I'll get the butter and we'll see each other here again?"
"Amazing idea" he dramatically states and walks off towards the drinks.

Okay, butter..
Does he like you?
He probably doesn't.
How could anyone ever like you
You are so pathetic
And disgusting
Have you seen yourself?
None of these people like you
How could they ever
You are just such a burden
They obviously dont like you
How could they?
All of them are such great friends and you just got here and ruined EVERYTHING.
Just wait until he ditches you.
Just wait until patton ditches you.

I feel the tears slowly start breaking out through my eyes and my hands starting to shake.
Okay... just get the butter.
He doesn't like you
It should be here
No one likes you
Okay here it is
How could anyone ever like you
Just take it.
There is a reason your ex just left you.

I feel my breath going faster and faster and it's becoming even harder to breathe.
"Virgil?"
I slowly turn around to see a worried roman looking down at me. The second he saw what state I was in he drops the basket and hugs me tight. It was nice.
Does he care about me?.
"A-are you ok?" He slowly says as he starts
letting go.
"p-pl-please dont leave me." I feel how he freezes and then just holds me even tighter.
"I will never" I feel my breath even out but the tears streaming even more down my face ruining my black eyeshadow and the pale foundation I put on earlier.
I suddenly feel him grabbing my inner legs and lifting me up. I put my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as I lean backwards and look at him.
"I will never leave you"
I hold him even closer as I start crying again.
"This is nice" is all I can get out between the sniffles,
"Yes- yes it is"

Roman got the butter and paid for everything with me holding onto him for my dear life.
On the way home he pokes on my cheek to get my attention.
"mhm?" I ask him quietly.
He looks at me but his eyes didnt meet mine. They seemed to be directed a bit down from my eyes. Was he looking at my lips?
"V-virgil" he slowly stutters
"Y-yes?"
"Can I kiss you? We dont have to I
understand if you do-"
Before he can say anything else I lean forward and kiss him on his lips.
When his warm lips finally met mine I felt as if everything in the world disappeared except for the man I was kissing and me.
I never wanted it to stop.
When we both stop the kiss to grasp for air he looks at me again.
"You are a great kisser"
"Oh just kiss me again already"
"Gladly" he smiles and kisses me again.

I feel him carefully nibbling at my lower lip asking for entrance that I gladly give him.
I feel his tongue explore the new territory as he grabs the back of my head holding me closer.
After we both grasped for air panting he looks at me again "we should probably get back home so they dont get worried" I say with a shy smile.
"Let them wait" he says with a smirk and kisses me again.
"Okay"