dear diary

are you okay?

This is probably gonna be a bit angsty bc I'm feeling angsty ✌
This text style=thoughts
(Patton pov)
I smile as Roman and Janus burst into laughter after a joke Remus makes, Logan quietly sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose but I can see the little smile on his face, Virgil is laughing quietly covering his face with his hands.
They look so happy right now.
I wonder if they would be this happy
without you.
Probably, why wouldn't they?
Its not like you matter or anything.
Just go upstairs and see how happy they are without you.
I quietly get up and start walking upstairs when Janus clears his throat "Patton where are you going?" He says sounding rather worried "bathroom" I quickly lie and walk up the stairs as quick as I can.
When I've gotten up all the stairs I can hear laughing again.
See. You are absolutely pointless to them.
You always have been and you know that.
I wipe the tears out of my eyes I didnt even notice and slide down the wall hugging my knees.
Am I that pointless to them?

(Logan pov)
I see how Patton rush up the stairs and disappear upstairs. He is alright Logan. No need to worry.
But after almost two minutes I can not wait anymore. "I'm just gonna chek on him" I say as I leave the living room going up the stairs.
I freeze when I hear some quiet sniffles coming from up the stairs.
"Patton?" I say in a breath as I see the shorter man hugging his shoulders crying against the wall. He looks up at me hearing me walking up the stairs and only shines a weak smile while looking into my eyes.
"W-why are you up here?" He quietly asks as he starts wiping the tears of his face.
"Because I wanted to see where you went" i say as i sit down next to him.
He didnt do anything, he just sat there sniffling from time to time.
"Would you want to go downstairs?" I see him looking at me with those eyes, they were now red and puffy but that didnt take away their beauty.
"It gets so quiet without you" I say softly as I stand up and reach my hand towards him.
Tears stream down his face as he gives me the weak smile again.
He hugs me tightly and I hug him back as tight as I can, we just stand there hugging for a bit. Feeling each others warm bodies touching each other's.
When we've walked down the stairs I put Patton in my lap and wrap him around in all the blankets I could snatch without moving.
I make eye contact with Janus who looks at me and then Patton and smiles a bit.
Roman leans over to Patton and asks something and Patton only nods.
After about half the movie I feel how Patton falls asleep in my lap, I wrap my arms tighter around him as he lays back on my chest.

(Roman pov)
I look over at Janus and Remus who are holding onto each other tightly, Logan and Patton are also cuddling up on the couch. I then look over at Virgil, he's looking at the TV while quietly eating some popcorn not noticing me looking at him.
I decide to try something out and all of a sudden just close my eyes and flop onto him making it look like I just fell asleep.
I can hear his surprised reaction and how everyone looks over at us.
"Want me to move him?" I hear Remus ask.
"N-no its alright. I just got surprised"
I can feel how he moves around to make it more comfortable and start to play with my hair.
His soft fingers in my hair made me actually sleepy, I feel his hand slowly and softly stroking over my cheek. He has very warm hands that are so so soft and nice. Right in that moment I felt so incredibly safe. Nothing could hurt me when I was in the arms of Virgil.
I softly open my eyes and look up at him while he was still playing with my hair and watching the movie, I didnt move or do anything. I just layed there watching the dark haired boy eat popcorn and giggle at some joke Remus made every once in a while. It got me thinking about the first time we met, how I knew he was the one from the first time I looked at him.
But that's how you felt last time too Roman.
And that didn't work.
What if he hurts you again? Or even hurts you worse. You are probably just a game to him. No one is ever gonna love you.
I sigh and sit up getting a shocked reaction from Virgil, I didnt even look at him.
I was not gonna get hurt again I had promised myself that. "Want some popcorn?" I hear him quietly ask from next to me.
"No"
"Really? You can have some I wont-"
"I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING POPCORN" I scream at him slamming my hand over my mouth as I see his face.
He has tears in his eyes threatening to spill over and his hands almost in his face seemingly protecting himself from me.
Everyone else was looking at us and the movie had been paused. Fuck, what did you do.
You weren't supposed to fucking hurt them.

"Roman what happened?"
A very sleepy and confused Patton asked.
"I-I'm s-sorry" Virgil stutters as he still hasn't taken his eyes off of me.
Quick just leave. Go to your room
and never go back.
I quickly stand up causing Virgil to flinch again and run up the stairs as fast as I can.

(Virgil pov)
"Want some popcorn?" I ask Roman as he sat up.
"No" he says quietly, maybe he wants some but doesn't want to take it!
"Really? You can have some I wont-" I smile at him and nudge his arm with the popcorn bowl playfully.
"I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING POPCORN" he screams into my face causing me to flinch and tears almost spilling out of my eyes,
what have you done. The one guy that treats you nicely and you ruin everything.
He covers his mouth with his hands as he looks down on me, my heads spiraling with all of the horrible thoughts of what I've done and what he is gonna do now.
I feel everyone's eyes on me and a tired Patton saying something that I couldn't really put a finger on, I was way to deep into my own thoughts feeling my own breathing getting harder and harder.
Roman suddenly just jumps up and runs up the stairs as I feel the tears start streaming down my face. What have you done.

This is your fault.
You ruined everything.
I feel a pair of hands grabbing mine and pulling them from my face.
You made him that mad.
Cant you ever do anything good?
"Virgil I need you to breath for me" I hear someone say. It sounds like Janus but I'm not sure.
You fuck everything up what is wrong with you. You dont deserve anything.
"He isnt listening" I hear a panicked voice shout.
Fucking idiot
I feel a cold hand on my cheek completely throwing me out of my thoughts and into reality seeing Remus sitting right in front of me.
Janus was holding my hands with tears in his eyes and Patton was sitting on my other side also seeming to cry.
"I'm gonna cut his dick off" Remus says in a serious and kind off scary tone as he hugs me tight and then walk up the stairs.
Logan walks after him with the same
fast steps as usual.
I look over at Patton softly smiling at him as he throws himself onto me in a tight hug.
"It's okay" I comfort him.
"W-what happened?" He says after we let go.
"I-i dont know" I say and grab my knees.
"Logan and Remus are talking to him" Janus says as he pulls be backwards slowly until I am in his lap with his arms around me. "Tell me to let go whenever you need" he says quietly.
"D-do you know what made him mad?" Patton asks again, "no, but I did something." I say and sigh. "We do not know that" Janus says from behind me "None of us know what happened so we can not determine anything"
"Okay" I say quietly.
"Let's keep watching the movie" Patton smiles and we agree sitting back into the couch.

~time skip to like 30 min later~

I hear someone walking down the stairs but decide not to look. "Did you get a answer?" I hear Janus ask, puzzling the pieces together it wasnt Roman. "Yes we did" I hear Logan answer.
"Hello Virgil" he says and stands infront of me.
"Hi" I say softly as Patton pauses the movie.
"Are you okay?" He says softly back to me.
"Yes. I just got scared" I smile back at him, "that is understandable, I'm sure Roman will apologize and explain very soon" he says with a smile
"How about we make some lunch?" Janus asks.
"That sounds like a plan" Logan smiles and reaches his hand out to me.