[Clarity is clear to see]
Can I forgive my sins or shall I die in vain
~* *~
@ RUNNER UP ON THE FAST FOOD AWARDS
Jodie navigates a world shrouded in uncer...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
.______________________________________
Kiss
Would I ever get one ,because it's hard for me to say the word *no * even when it wasn't a touch not the connection ,yet his driving me insane. It's crazy that I fucking hate him then again I want him all over me within a second. I might be delirious or major horny but my heart will always skip a beat when I'm around him.
Tossing and turning not sleeping tonight only felt so frustrated for wanting him to kiss me just turn me on like a flick of an on button switch.
I decided to just wake up , try to forget it as I listen to music another drug that cures the other.
Wasn't in the mood for love songs nor depressing ones when I need a song that can read half of my soul.
'Into the road , its open Bare to your left, my heart sits here They say my dreaming is hopeless This is the bed I lie in yeah '
The music stops feeling the vibration sound in my hand taking it without even looking at my phone. Thinking it might be Rachael so I answered without looking.
Xander Sleepless ?
His hoarse voice cracks between the line deep still smooth had me turn on instantly . I don't know how he got my number but damn this about to get real
Jodie Let me guess ,snooping around with people's numbers that's just fucked up
Xander Well you sister gave them to me
So he stole Amanda's phone to get my number how typical and messed up what his doing
Is he playing my sister to get his karma so he could hurt me and I thought I was the crazy one . Is this supposed to be revenge? Yeah and I am right
Did I damage him that bad so he could put his pain to me? Well I'm lost because we both got hurt
Jodie Are you really using my sister for a silly scheme ,are you really that low?
Xander And why would I do that when your sister has nothing to do with this, she's the jewel to my heart unlike you
He snorts as if this were a joke but he took it by heart hitting me even harder than just a silly remark killing me more with his words . I take back what I have said.
Jodie Then are you here to rub all that sick adoration shit all up in my face?
Do I want to fall again? Well this is just shitty.
I can't get over him, but my feelings towards him seem to fade away but the problem is...
That these feelings aren't fading faster than just a stupid crush, because I myself kissed his lips before
Xander No it's quite the opposite and that's the truth on that day you left without saying goodbye.
He said the words that always feared everything inside of me crazy.
Jodie What are you talking about ?
Xander Jodie should I literally spell it out for you because I know you ain't stupid
I wanted to end the call right away but I can't run away anymore I'm caught red handed with my hands shaking
Jodie I can't answer that Xander you know that... it's literally impossible.
Xander Can't answer ... what the fuck are you talking about , don't be a coward Jodie -
Jodie I pushed her though it looked like she fell by accident
Hanging up right away switching my phone off so he can not call again. Dragging out of my bed standing breathing as if the air was thick.
I wanted to scream on stop of my lungs just tired from this life I've been living my life filled with secrets
I hated myself even more that I am not innocent to this filthy world.
Lies are exhausting freaking exhausting I can't keep them away from him "Fuck" whispering the word in the dark alone with no one to hear me.
Biting my lower lip wondering what should I do that can really help
Movies with ice cream or alcohol?
Ha! I'll take movies and ice cream, walking out of my room down the stairs quietly with no sound maybe a little as I open the fridge taking one bucket with me and a spoon.
Maybe this would cure the guilt
Or maybe it might help the tortures that I tried to erase from the loneliness
