Therapist: It's been months since I'm seen you, spoken to you. Please tell me there's been changes.
Self: Honestly.. I'm lost again. I thought I was going the right path. But I was impulsive. I wasn't thinking.
Therapist: You were manic?
Self: Yeah.
Therapist: And now you're feeling low?
Self: Yeah.
Therapist: That's definitely a normal reaction. You were manic and not in control and now you're low, taking all the accountability. What did you lose this time?
Self: My lover. The one person I'm connected too.
Therapist: Connected how?
Self: I don't know our bond is something I have never felt before. So much history. So much love but also so much disappointment on my end. I couldn't handle being happy. While dealing with other stressors.
Therapist: Other stresses like what? Let's focus on that. It may be the root of the problem.
Self: Something happened and I've been scared ever since.
Therapist: Did you hurt yourself?
Self: Not this time.
Therapist: Someone hurt you?
Self: ... Someone took more from me than anyone has before.
Therapist: He took your light?
Self: That and more.
Therapist: It isn't something that's processed properly for you I'm assuming. It's hitting you here and there, instead of allowing you to mourn your innocence and youth that was lost at one time. You're trying to forget.
Self: I forgot. I was happy and then he left. And all the other stressors and insecurities and self doubt and trauma came flooding back. Being with him wasn't using him for support. His character alone dismissed all my fears. But
now he's gone and I'm alone again wallowing in all my fears I've never healed from.
Therapist: Maybe you need to find a way to be okay even with out him. He isn't your magic pill.
Self: That's not how I see him.
Therapist: Love does that. Their presence heals so much. Their words and their touch. It heals you. But when they leave you need to find a way to find that romance in your self.
Self: What do you mean?
Therapist: Find a way to love yourself enough for two.
YOU ARE READING
Dim.
PoetryTired of trying to be everything. Trying to be perfect. Wrong paths and wrong people and missed opportunities. Am I letting my mental illness take over my life? A look into the mind of a BPD, Anxiety ridden woman. With no identity but her Panic. W...
