IMAGINE WANTING LOVE | kpop multifandom ✓

nine a.m. - stray kids chan [suggestive]

[08:34]

daylight hits his room a bit more than yesterday morning through the see-through curtains, blasting in even more warmth to soothe your body as chan lays beside you still in his usual deep slumber. upon early mornings, before the clock strikes nine, you're already awake and ready to gather your items to slip between the doors.

he didn't mind it, the empty room, the empty bed, the empty feeling in his gut, churning around in a whirl as he gains consciousness and lets his eyes wander around the room in realisation. it's a simple routine, what the two of you have, and it's given even more sense when you think of how the situation had taken place beforehand.

a few months ago, the two of you had been in love, not with each other. it was entirely different with chan now than when you had been with your ex. you're still not together with chan either but that's a whole other topic much needed avoided. 

chan is one of your ex's friends and how you met him, it was wild to even think about. cocktails, mixed drinks, chan pretending to be a bartender when you had first started dating your ex but then finding his charming way into your sheets not long after.

the first night it happened, chan came to you a broken soul, so empty and void of love that maybe you had been the one to show him the affection he had been hoping for. instead, after that night, he went back to her, his girlfriend who spent countless nights away from him with other men, not that you minded it anyway.

from that point on, you only existed when chan wanted loving, needed loving. it would be childish if you blamed it all on him, though. when your ex had found out chan had been sneaking in through your apartment door almost weekly, he flipped out and treated you like you were some monster--but that's what you are, right? a lying, cheating monster who can't even realise that the one you're really wanting love from is already in love but with someone else.

it's sick to remember all those nasty words he called you, almost as much as it was intriguing because even as chan growled those into your ears between the sheets, you only responded in a reaction that benefited both sides. you breakup caused chan's breakup but he wasn't the one who initiated it. you remember his white knuckles, bloodied and bruised along with his face as he knocked on your apartment door one night.

he fought with one of her lovers and that never calmed his racing heart down even as he packed his clothes in a fury, bunching them into a duffel bag and driving all the way across the city to see you. it was pouring, that night, his hair was disheveled and thick strands of hair drenched and bunched together stuck onto his forehead in a hairstyle that he could care less about.

chan latched onto you then, hands finding their way under your sweater to grab your breasts and fondle them while his lips hungrily tasted yours, eating up all you had to offer. no longer than when you finally wrap your arms around him did his shoulder begin to shake and tremble and a soft whimper left his lips.

you held him in your arms and stayed with him, warm bodies cuddled up together under the night sky in envy of each other's not-so-perfect love lives. you wished you could feel as much pain within him than feel every ounce of guilt disappear from your body when he's loving your body so right. chan wished he could forget it all and move on from such a hateful woman, so lost in her world full of unfulfilling pleasure that he wouldn't dare waste another drop of tear on.

but even then, even after all these months of being with chan under the sheets, feeling each other's touch and hold on one another, it still didn't satisfy either of you when the feeling really wanted was love, physically and literally. chan was still in love with her and you were still desperate for his attention as always.

so each and every morning, when you end up in his bed over and over, you leave and never return. you promise yourself every time that seeing chan would be a waste of time and it's dumb, so stupid and horrible that you even tell yourself this then after office hours end, you find yourself in his arms, his body pressed between yours as you spread your legs for him.

right now, it's barely nine and everything runs through your mind like every day, never missing one. the clock doesn't leave you alone when it's ticking fills the entire room and chan keeps shifting beside you. his grip is tight on you, holding you in place but there was enough love in his heart to keep you there. so again, you force your mind to let you lift his arm up and away, sighing a heavy breath once it does so.

except, when you try it today, chan doesn't budge, compressing you to stay by his side. at first you can't believe it, it's strange and awkward almost that he wouldn't let you go but when you try it again, his arm easily follows your guide and you're free. the cut on your heart doesn't stop you as you bring yourself to leave his bed.

chan who you were so sure to have been asleep, was now facing you with the saddest eyes you've ever witnessed as he whispers, 

"i've never once told you to leave but you still do each and every morning."

and god, what do you even do after hearing those words?