The Girl of The Sun

eight

Trigger Warning: This chapter mentions sexual assault. Please if you feel this might trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable, read up until the flashback and if you have any questions or anything at all, send a message<3

I keep having these visions, these dreams about my past. Instead of it being all the bad parts of the never ending abuse and suffering, it's an alternate reality of what could've been. Maybe if my dad had never stopped taking his medication, if just maybe he got help and fixed before he broke everything around him. If his dad could've been nicer to him and his mom, if he was a good example. There would be no need to hide this anxiety and depression that I have to face daily. When I have these visions or dreams, I see my dad and mom together standing up, being the first to start a standing ovation at my ballet recital. I'm holding a large bouquet of red roses. I see him driving up to the drive way of a large suburban house in a brand new car with a big large bow on top. And I totally get that I shouldn't be dwelling on the past. It is what it is and the past can't  changed. If I had a dollar for the amount of times somebody has told me that. But what they don't know is that it hurts. It hurts when the person you're supposed to trust, is the one to break promises they say said they would fulfill. The one to break your heart first is your own dad. That's embarrassing.

    It's the end of November and the last day before thanksgiving break ends. I'm getting everything ready back for school tomorrow and I pull my laptop out. I had just applied for the community college in hoping after a few semesters I could transfer to the University. My heart sinks to the fact that I'd be graduating in almost 6 months. Right before I close my laptop, I get a notification from my Gmail account. In big bold letters, this email said

   Study at the Fashion Institute of Paris
Ranked #1 in the world
Application due by January 1st

Since I was in the 8th grade, I always would make daydreams of myself living in New York or Paris, my whole career would be dedicated to editorials, fashion week, and runway. It was something that gave me hope, a one of a kind career like that would allow me to prove to myself that I actual can make it somewhere, I'm capable of something at the very least, not to mention that I spend weekends on my sewing machine and updating thrift clothes, I even have my own person shop on the Depop app. "It wouldn't hurt to just apply" I thought to myself. After staying up until 12am writing a few essays and filling in the application, I finally sent it. There may be a big probability of me not getting accepted since it is ranked #1 in the world, but I can say I tried. I blow out my candle, turn on my nightlight and get under covers. I drift off to sleep, creating little scenarios of what could happen if maybe I got accepted.

       The next morning at school, everyone is buzzing around me, but it's weird. Everyone is looking at me, whispering and showing their phones around. Estrella grabs me and we walk into the bathrooms. This doesn't sound good.
"We've got an issue, Fabi." She has a sort of concerned expression on her face and sighs

"Well what is it." I say anxiously waiting for her to spill everything.

"Well do you remember Meadow Russo?" My heart sank to that name. Meadow used to go to school here up until beginning of last school. She had bright greenish hazel eyes, carmel hair and was what every guy at school wanted but they couldn't have her because for a long time, Rafael was dating her. Rumors say they only broke up because she moved to Arizona, rumors also said she cheated on him. What felt like a stab in the heart was the thought of
him having feelings that never left since she left. They were off an on, and regardless of what they fought over, they always made their way back together. And that's what scared me the most. Somebody that I felt like understood me. After all the dark and the storms I faced, he was there and it's like everything disappeared. My world was spiraling and although nothing has happened yet, I can feel what disaster was waiting and this was only the calm before it happened.