The Girl of The Sun

twelve

     For the rest of the day, I stayed to myself. Rafael's classes were already memorized so I knew which hallways to avoid. In Mrs. Turn's class, I found it so difficult to even pay attention, her lectures went from one ear than out the other and she was already annoyed with me since I was late; I've already lost count. The way I overthink is so intense, I just end up hurting myself in the end. I know it's not good for me as I dig a deeper whole for myself. But I don't stop despite of it. Tears fill up my eyes creating a glisten, my head rests in my hands as I look down, almost ashamed for anyone to see me cry, even Alex.

   Once the bell rings, Mrs. Turn calls me to her desk.

"Fabiana, is everything okay? I noticed you weren't really yourself today. I know sometimes you have...difficulty paying attention and managing your time, but you're always yourself and it's concerning that you're not." Her young face gives me a look of sorrow, she turns to her computer, her short brown hair swaying.

Shit well, this can't be good. Last thing I want is for her to think I have all these problems.

"Uhh, yeah everything is okay. Just some boy drama nothing serious." My smile tries to overpower the tears in my eyes, but it fails and turns into a noticeably lip quiver.

"You know, Miss Morales, I don't think you realize your potential. I know we all struggle in our own ways, but you have no reason to be insecure. You lock yourself in this cage and that can feel as if you're trapped. You may not think I don't notice, but I do. You feel like you don't fit in this town, and it's because you don't. It's because you belong to somewhere bigger, brighter especially. You're going accomplish and succeed one day, and I wish you could see that."

I can't help but to let my cry out. I'm not quite sure if it's because I'm about to start my period on top of the incident with Rafael, but this time I don't even care who sees me crying, which is rare because I'm such a closet cryer, but I'm more emotional than usual which is strange. If anything I hope someone does see me cry, so they could save me from this never ending rollercoaster of emotions.

Mrs. Turn hands me Kleenex and stays silent as I try to pull myself together.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for you to see this." I laugh to create some humor to my pain. "It's just my whole life living in this town, I've been told I wasn't good enough. I was the girl who was just there, no matter what and no one noticed even when I was completely withering away. The dark times I've dealt with made me feel like they were inescapable. For the first time ever, that is the most genuine response I've had. Not a lot of teachers have thought that about me that I could imagine. You really caught me by surprise. So thank you, for believing in me because I almost forgot what it felt like when someone did."

   "Of course, I know we haven't seen eye to eye all four years you've been here, but I'm always here. There's a scholarship for $10,000 that's still open, here's a form. I can write you a letter of recommendation if you'd like. I trust that you are going to college, and I think you should give that scholarship a try."

"Wow, thank you so much, I appreciate it." I gather my things and head to the door. Mrs. Turn says something before I leave, something I'd never forget.

"Boys are great and all when you're young, trust me I know, but they're not worth it if they cause you so much stress and make you question your self-worth. Put your dreams first before any man. And also, all the teachers adore you, and we talk about you a lot." I smile at her and leave.

At lunch, Alex invites me to go eat with him. We go to our #2 place to waffle house, Taco Run. The place is a local family owned place, like most restaurants in Poblano. The smell of the chicken on the grill is so good, it makes my mouth water, but I get the fish ones of course since I don't eat other meat.