A Dead Girl

Chapter 42 Control

Having to sit in the living room all day was horrible. All I was left with was my thoughts which seem to be getting darker and darker.

"Dinners ready" Avery said from the kitchen

I haven't eaten all day but, I just can't right now. I have to much on my mind and I don't want to make it worse.
"I'm not hungry"

Avery walked over to me. I was in the same position sitting on the floor with my head and arms resting on one knee. Kind of like a half criss cross applesauce.
"I know this is hard, but I want you to know that we care about you and just want you to be safe"

"What you wanna do is control me"

"...that's not true. But you won't listen to anything else"

"Just go away, I'm not eating"

"Scarlett, look at me please"

I looked up at her and she seemed sad.
"I don't want us to drift apart and grow up hating each other. I want all of us to stay together and help each other through things. We care. I care"

I looked back down at the floor and she sighed and patted me on the head then went to dinner. I feel like throwing up. Being near food makes me wanna puke all of a sudden. Like being near it will somehow make me fatter. Even if I did puke what would even come up? Just a bunch of stomach acid.

I sat in that spot until it was finally 10pm and we all went to bed. I'm not tired at all. I sat on top of my bed and stared at the wall.
"Aren't you gonna sleep? You've been awake all day"

"I have too much to think about to sleep right now"

Amy walked over to me and sat down on my bed.
"I know this is hard, I personally think it's kind of ridiculous what their doing but I understand why their doing it. I know your trying and I know you want to do and be better, but sometimes you just can't. It's ok though because I'll always be here. Even if Avery's being annoying and even if Jamie's being an asshole, I'm still here for you"

"Thanks"

"No problem, now please sleep. We have school tomorrow"

"Ok. Goodnight"

"Night"
***********
At School

It's Lunch now and I still don't wanna eat anything. I wish Luna wasn't here, then I'd be able to take a walk, skip class and get out of this hellhole.

"Your not eating anything?"

"I'm not hungry"

"Avery told me you didn't eat dinner two nights ago and you didn't eat anything yesterday"

"Of course she did"

"She's worried about you"

"She's always worried about me"

"Talk to me. That's what I'm here for"

"Your here to makes sure I don't slit my wrists in the school bathroom"

"No, I'm here to help you throughout the day"

"Like a maid?"

"Like a friend. Now what's going on inside that head of yours?"

"A lot"

"We've got time"

I literally never talk to Luna about anything. But today feels different and I feel like opening up a little.
"Everything's getting progressively worse" I said putting my head down.

"Like what?"

"My relationship with Avery and Jamie. My freedom. My control over simple things. Avery thinks I need an inhaler because of my panic attacks now so that's fun. My thoughts are getting darker and darker and I feel myself sinking back into the hole I was in before"