𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢, 𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥𝘺 - 𝙂𝙧𝙚𝙮'𝙨 𝘼𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙮 (ON HOLD)

ninety - eight - "pacific northwest general hospital" - ninety - eight

"Most people believe that who they are today is pretty much who they will still be in the future. Our minds trick us into thinking our entire history, every choice, every change and chance, has led to this specific moment, what we call now."
-Richard Webber, S16E19, "Love of My Life"

"Since our hospital is a teaching program, many of our patient allow their surgeries to be filmed. It's great as a teaching tool but if you screw up, it ends up online for the whole world to see. Your mistakes will be scrutinized, analyzed, studied, written about, argued over. Watched and rewatched. We all make mistakes. We all have moments where we weren't the best surgeon or even the best person. We all have moments we'd rather not relive. There are certain moments in my life that I wish I could relive. First day of internship. First solo surgery. First time I held my children in my arms. The last lucid conversation I had with my mother. But for every one of those, there's one I wish I could forget or do differently. Those are the moments that keep me up at night. And no matter what I do, they keep coming back to haunt me."
-Meredith Grey, S16E20, "Sing It Again"

"Unless you're paid to be there, no one ever wants to go into an OR. It's freezing, you're naked, and a stranger will be cutting into your body with knives. But what patients don't know, and what we try to keep them from knowing, is sometimes, it's just as terrifying for us. Traumas, heart surgery, anything to do with the pancreas. Any surgeon who says they're not afraid of those is lying. But no matter how risky the surgery, no matter how scared you might be, your job is to reassure your patient and tell them everything is going to be okay. Whether you believe it or not. Sometimes, surgeries go better than planned. There's no better gift you can give someone than saying you've saved the person they love. I look forward to those moments. Unfortunately, those perfect outcomes are rare. You would think it gets easier, but it doesn't. Each one hurts just as much as the last one. So we hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Because the worst has a nasty way of finding you."
-Meredith Grey, S16E21, "Put on a Happy Face"

Her father's stethoscope hung around her neck, she wore the standard blue scrubs provided to interns, her notepad was already filled with quick scribbles of knowledge from her resident, her identification badge was clipped to the waistband of her scubs, her insulin pump tubing was visible as it was clipped to the pocket of her left leg, and her diabetes kit made noise as her test strips rattled around in their bottle with her every step, life as a fellow intern at Seattle Pres was different from Grey Sloan. The hospital had their own protocols, their own schedules, their own competitive programs and rewards. Anna had almost completed an entire week of her internship. Most of it was scut, assissting ER nurses with cranky patients, and running around to complete whatever mundane task her resident had ordered. The closest she had been near the OR, or the OR floor, was catching glimpses of the OR board on her way to the locker room every morning.

She hadn't truly befriended any of the other interns, either. Even if they were all nervous, and essentially in the same boat, that simple fact didn't drive them together like it would at Grey Sloan. They all seemed to work on things seperately, even sitting alone in the cafeteria. Their residents didn't encourage relationships, they didn't give them a speech about "how they're in this together," or force them all to research together. It was very clear. In this program, it was everyone for themselves. Noone had your back, noone wanted to cover for you, or felt any sense of pride for a intern getting praised- you were on your own from day one. Anna didn't mind working alone. If noone wanted to step up and offer information about a case that could help her, or just be a generally nice person, she wasn't going to go above and beyond for people who refused to even remember her name.

Her resident, Dr. Prakasam, was actually one of the few "nice" residents who genuinely wanted his interns to succeed and always answered questions, took his free time explaining where different departments were, which route to use during which hour, and which elevators, stairwells to avoid when the ER was packed. The more comfortable Anna got around him, the more open she was asking questions and jotting down notes. He even explained which doctor was which according to their initials signed on the OR board.