wasteland - dreamnotfound

Chapter Fifteen

~|Dream|~ 

As soon as George closed the door, a wave of an indescribable hurt washed over me.

I wish I could say it was the first time I'd felt such a pain, an ache like this, but it wasn't. It was like a terrible deja vu, a nostalgia of something I wished I would never feel again. 

Guilt. 

Guilt that I'd hurt George again, guilt that I hadn't done anything to keep him safe, guilt that his confusion, his pain, his fear was my fault. 

Guilt that I could have done better. 

I drop my backpack with a soft clatter, just.. Standing. My head felt empty, my heart felt hollow, my lungs ached in a way I didn't recognize. I felt like I was drowning in air. 

After what felt like both a moment and forever, the door crashed open. I assumed it had only been maybe, what, ten minutes? So it couldn't have been George. And the way I heard the door slam against the opposite door made me spin around with a fear that felt almost wild and unnatural. 

"Sapnap?" I ask quietly, confused. But there's  a certain fire in his eyes that near matches the pattern on his shirt that brings me to take a step back.

"Dream, you- You asshole." He exhales, shaking his head. 

George went to Sapnap for comfort. Not me. 

I inhale sharply at the thought, closing my eyes tightly. 

Not me. 

"You don't understand, Sapnap-" I begin, only to be cut off.

"I don't understand? No, Dream, I don't think you understand." He hisses. "The revolution- People are going to die soon, Dream, and he's blaming himself. For not dying when he was 'supposed' to! And look what you've done? You've made him stress more!" 

"What-? Dying when he was supposed to..? Revolution?" I ask slowly, trying to stay calm and not break down on the spot. 

"George is a desired target because he escaped them! He thinks that if he'd been experimented on and found a cure, things would be better." Sapnap's quiet anger is terrifying. "And you- You have to kill him for it. But he loved you. He didn't want to go against the government because he didn't want to hurt you." 

I blink, dumbfounded. "He loves me?" 

"Well not anymore, dumbass, you lost your fucking chance with the greatest person in our lives."

"Oh, no, no, no..." I mumble. "Sapnap, what do you mean revolution? There- I'm so confused.." 

Sapnap groans. "Oh my god, keep up! George joined a revolution rising against the government to stop them, but he doesn't want to fight in case he has to kill you. But at the same time, he's hurt because he thinks you don't care about him anymore." He snaps. "Get it now?"  

I slump backward against the table. "I- I think.. But.. Sapnap, we're going to the government, and there's a revolution, and George-" 

"Now do you see what you've done? We're going to the president so Techno can explain that they haven't killed the target. You would be punished, if not killed. But George is going to turn himself in to save you. He's going to be killed, and it's your fault." Sapnap whispers, and for a moment I see the sadness in his eyes- He was there for George when I wasn't, he was his best friend. 

I'm not, not anymore. 

"I-" 

"Fuck you, Dream."