Girl With Fake Smile

Chapter 8

I was still sad as well as depressed.I am afraid  to  step out of my room. I thought time will solve everything, and I must stay as strong for my mom. I don't want my mom to know about  my siblings abusing me. Seeing tears in my mom's eyes is the worst pain i have experience. My heart aches whenever my mom cried. I don't want my mom to cry for me.

I stood Infront of mirror gazing into my own reflect. I can see my face became  red  by the tea they fling me earlier.  I can see my brown eyes gazing into a girl who is depressed and sad but still trying to be strong carrying fake smile .  

I heard knock on door. I wipe away my tears grabbing water bottle  which  is on table besides my bed, splashing few drops of water over my face to cover up my crying face. I open door, there my mom stood with smiling face as always. It  hurt me to see my innocent mom smiling. I don't want to ruin my mom smile. So I fake my smile.

I hold my tears remembering how I spend my time when my mom and only me would stay and how it change when my brother and sisters are back. I want to let my tears out but I can't. I  won't made my mom shed tears. I want her to be happy.

" Are you alright? These days your always lost in your own thought. Is anything bothering you?" She ask me with worried tone as always.

I again fake smile and said, " no, no,... nothing is bothering me. I'm just worried about my exam."

"Oh , don't stress yourself my child. I know your good in studies and sure you will do your best as always. You made me proud. So, don't worry. Okie?" She said smiling and brushing my hair.

I just nod at her.
Yeah I was good in studies. I used to top class since class three. Still I'm topper. Teacher also admire me for my good studies. But students treat me like dog. They consider me as greedy and selfish. When teachers set me as good example,  my classmates, not all but  few would roll their eyes not believing it. It hurt to see such things with my own eyes but I have to fake smile as always.

At first, to fake smile was a difficult thing but now it's not. I'm used to it and faking smile become easier as I always do.

 " Why are you here?" I asked mom remembering she is sitting besides me.

"I came here to call  you for dinner. I called you many times shouting your name but there is no answer from you. So I came here" she said still brushing my hair.

I said, " let's go then."

We sit in sitting room making arc shape. We all sat in silence and have  our dinner. Still my brother and both sisters were giving me weird look. I was terrified by there looks . I ate faster and excuse myself.

I enter my room slamming door behind me. Whatever happen in my life, studying is my first priority. I sit on my bed opening bio textbook to study, keeping all those sad things besides.

I awake with the same nightmare I have before. When I look at watch, it shows five a.m. I wake up immediately and start praying for not such nightmares to came into my real life. I wasn't afraid nor I won't mind if it came as  nightmare until I die but I wish  such things to not happen in real. As usual I wash my face and all.

It was six when I walk out of house. I want to walk early to school as I don't like staying in home anymore with my brother and two sisters. I walk school myself reading dzongkha textbook.

I sit on my chair still reading dzongkha textbook. After 30 minutes, I take out my physics notebook and start studying it. School was silient which I enjoy it as it's too early for students to arrive. It's only five thirty and most of the students arrive at school around six thirty. Still I have around one hour to study myself in silient.

I can hear sweepers sweeping the balcony and doing some cleaning in and out of staff room. I was on my way to drink water as I'm feeling thirsty when I saw Dorji entering school. My heart start beating at faster pace. I can't get my eye out of him. I love everything about him. I want at least to talk to him but I don't get courage to do.

But to my surprise, he seems hurt and kind of ignoring me. I wonder what made him to act like that. He still ignore me and went inside the class. It hurt my feelings to see my crush  acting  as if he has feelings for me earlier and now he is ignoring me completely. I thought may be he hate me too. I don't want to love someone who hate me for no reason. I feel hurt, where I also decide to ignore him completely and  stop having crush on him.

Actually it hurts me a lot and I want to cry screaming in loud, why all hate me, why  me among all. Still I hold my tears and fake my smile again.  I start ignoring him and now it's almost  end of school. Namgay  had tried several times to talk me back and ask for forgiveness whole day following me like lost puppy .

  It's last period, and I was sad thinking that I again  will had hard times with my brother and two sisters. I have no idea what they will do me today if my mom was not home like yesterday. I pray to have my mom at home. With these thoughts bell rang. Class was over. I walk slowly not wanting to head into my home but I have no choice. I walk slowly thinking what if my mom was not at home? What will they do to me? Will they beat me or treat me like yesterday? Will they kill me? All those weird questions pop up into my head wanting me to run away where  no  one know about me.

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