I Love Anxiety - Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Chapter 3 - Special

Tamaki's POV

I blink open my eyes to wake myself up. I don't know the last time I did this but it was probably before I realized my feelings for the girl sleeping beside me. I glance at her perfectly shaped face and her slender hands which are now clasping my own hand. A blush invades my face and I cover it with my hands. I split my fingers apart so that I can see through them. Her H/C hair glistens in the sunlight. Her scent fills my nose and her body brushes against mine.

This is a familiar position that I've been in many times. The thing is, though, is that we were kids at that time. Now we're in our last year of High School and I have realized the feelings I have for her as well. I like seeing her there when I wake up, but for some reason, it feels like I'm committing a crime or something.

Not wanting to wake her up, I slowly fall outta the bed and untangle my hand from hers. I sit on the floor staring at the iguana sleeping in his cage on a desk. It's cold and around 7 in the morning. The house is still silent. Luckily, it's the weekend so we don't have to wake up early. I sigh and look down at my hands. Then I think of her hands around mine once more. I blush again and shake my head.

"Stop it, idiot. She might just think of you as a friend. She wouldn't like a weakling like you." I whisper. Then I hear a rustle behind me.

"Jiji?" I hear the tired voice of Y/N and a yawn follows after.

I lean my head back so that I look at her without actually moving. Her E/C eyes blink sleepily and I become paralyzed. The way the sun shines on her H/C hair and glints in her eyes takes my breath away. Her skin looks smooth and soft. Her scent wafts towards me. Then I come back into focus when she tics. Her head jerks and she slaps her forehead and says, "Ow."

I smile softly. "Goodmorning Y/N." My voice is quiet and shy like always. Sometimes I wish I had a stronger and more confident voice. Then I might feel more confident and actually talk to Y/N about... Things.

I'm wrenched outta my thoughts when Y/N face lands so close to mine. Her eyes sparkle and there's a smile on her face. I'm looking at her upside down which makes my heart beat quicker since her breath tickles my face. "Morning, Jiji. When did you wake up?"

I blush and my mouth won't form words. "I- uhhh I- I- I- when? Uhhh what?" I lean forward and put my head in my hands.

"Jiji?" Y/N asks behind me. "You okay? Your face is pretty... Red you tomato *tweet tweet*." She sighs and I hear her slide out of the bed.

"Sorry." I mumble. "Geez. I'm such a failure." Then Y/N catches my attention as she kneels beside me. Her eyes turn soft and sympathetic.

"You're not a failure, Jiji. You're just unique. And besides. If you're a failure, then I'm a -piece of shit- who doesn't belong here and will probably end up homeless once out of school." She says.

I smile. "That seems fair, I guess."

No. Y/N. You're way more than I could ever be. You have plowed through many obstacles and have survived, physically and mentally. I'm a normal person, but I can't even take an insult from a stranger. I run away from my problems. I could never face them like you have faced yours. I would either cower away from it or not even try to defeat it. You're stronger than I could ever be. You've experienced more life than I ever will because of my fear of failure if I try. I will always be lower in the ranks than you. You're problems have forced you out of your shell way earlier than you were meant to be. I am still in my shell. Unable to muster the courage to take a step out of it. I really wish... I could be like you...

My thoughts are interuppted when Y/N touches my face gently. "Jiji... You should rest. I can tell you're mind is under a lot of stress. You wanna spend the day with me or at your house? I could walk you home." She offers.

I blush. Her fingers are soft. I look away. "I... May I spend the day with you?" It took all my courage just to ask those words. Then I hear a chuckle behind me. I look at Y/N and she smiles.

"Of course you can. It's not like I would refuse spending time with my favorite person in the world." It takes all my might to keep my hands in my lap and not hold it against my chest due to the ache in my heart. That was... So pure.

I smile and she leans her head on my shoulder. "Thankyou, Y/N." I murmur.

"It's fine. It's not like I'm giving you a new chance at life or something. I'm just gonna spend the day with you, that's all." She says, not knowing that meant much more to me than another chance at life. I would gladly take this over that. That's just how much she means to me.

Y/N stands up and goes to her drawer. "I'll get ready real quick and then we can do stuff." She chooses her clothes for the day and goes into her bathroom. Then she pops her head out and smiles. "You can go to your house real quick and get ready too. I can just pick you up in 45 minutes or so."

I glance down then back at her. "Okay."

She smiles. "Great. See ya then, Jiji. Don't get mugged out there."

I sigh. "I hope not."

She chuckles and goes into her bathroom as I stand and begin walking towards the door. When I open it, I'm met with a scowling Shoya. I stumble back a bit and he stands his ground.

"Well well well. It looks like you slept with Y/N. How was it, elf boy?" Shoya says in a threatening tone.

My face instantly turns red and words just stumble out of my mouth. "I- I- No it wasn't- but that- I didn't-"

Shoya just smirks. "Lemme tell you this, idiot. I have known you for about 2 years now and all I see in you is weakness. You're a hopeless piece of shit that I doubt will ever be able to protect Y/N. There's not one thing about you that I trust except that you'll probably fail. If Y/N decides to sleep with you, I'm not gonna make it easy for you. She can make her choices, but I'll do everything I can to keep her from settling on you. Got that?" Shoya's black hair hangs in his face and his arms are crossed in a threatening manner. He's wearing his usual black clothes and dark style. He's going through his... Emo... Phase.

By this time my face is tomato red and I can't look away from Shoya's gaze. It's so intense and it scares me. But everything he said was right. I am weak. I am hopeless. And I'm not meant to be with Y/N.

My eyes shift away from the boy's red-eyed glare and move to my feet. I stay silent and submissive. The boy smirks and looks behind me at Y/N's bathroom door. She has a bathroom connected to her room because of oldest sibling privileges. Then he looks back at me. "And if you tell her about this little... Meeting... I'll break your back in front of everyone so they finally see how weak you really are."

Tears burn my eyes. Geez. I'm so pathetic. Feeling hurt and attacked because of a teenager. "Okay." I mumble. I walk past him and rush down the stairs. I slip on my shoes, gather my things, and just leave. The sun makes my eyes ache and I squint as I dash away from the familiar house until it's no longer in sight. The thing about... The fear of failure is the habit of not starting something. I could begin dating Y/N if I tried. But... I would probably be boring for her and... I wouldn't be that special to her. I would ruin it. So I just stay with being friends. Even if it makes my heart yearn for her every day... It's better than it being awkward between us. Even if I wanna feel the warmth of her hands in mine whenever I please, I must not ruin it. Even if... Even if she finds another person to date... I must not ruin it. Even if I never get the chance to whisper the words I always dream of saying to her, I must... Not... Ruin it. Because... Because I want her to be happy.

And I'm just not the person who will giver her that happiness. She's too special to be dating someone as worthless as me. Way too special.