The Promiscuous Pact

Chapter XX

I froze when his words registered after my high of natural estacy fell. "You love me?"

"Shit, I'm sorry," Alec apologized as I pulled away from Alec, trying to put enough space between us. "I was going to say it at a better time," Alec muttered to himself.

"It is too early to know if you love me," I chided, holding my arms in a gesture of self-consciousess and to prevent the panic from overflowing.

Alec shook his head, got up, and found his boxers. Sliding them up, he responded in defense, "How do you know when I fall in love? You can't control that, Olivia. I do love you, but I meant to hold off a little while longer, because I figured you would freak out."

I laughed, sarcasm lacing my chuckle. "You were going to wait?"

"No need to get hostile with me. I know you don't like to be pushed in the department of relationships or commitment, Olivia, but how do you expect to form a healthy relationship with anyone if you are always afraid to take the plunge? You keep everyone at arm's length" Alec pointed out in a calm manner. He put the rest of his clothes on. "It looks like I should be leaving." He scratched the back of his neck in an awkward motion.

I was torn--did I want Alec to stay or go? My bull-headedness shouted for him to go, but my gut told me maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

"Please don't," I whispered.

Alec sighed, "I should go, Olivia. Everytime I say or do something along the lines of commitment, you freeze, and I'm not sure what I can do to make things better."

I threw my hands up in the air, and yelled, "You know commitment is a fear of mine! I'm working on it, but you've got to work with me here, Alec." I reached for him, but uncertainty filled his facial expression.

"Please come back to bed," I pleaded, patting the spot beside me.

"I will if you can tell me there is a chance you love me." There was that word again--the one that always seemed to haunt me in my dreams.

"I don't know," I admitted. "It has been a month, which isn't long enough for me to decide that."

"I see," Alec said, turning to  go.

"I don't know what else I can do or say!" Alec froze midstep and turned back around."I have been loyal to you, and I can't think about anyone but you."

Alec seemed content with this response, because he closed the distance between himself and the bed.

He climbed in and wrapped me in his arms. The warmth and comfort of his arms made me feel calm. "Thank you," I mumbled.

Alec laughed and I enjoyed the feel of vibration through his chest from his laugh.

We laid there for a moment, and it wasn't long before unconsciousness swept over us, and we plummeted into sleep.

I was back to the year that haunted me. I was in the car with Andrew again, and he was talking sweet with me. No matter how many times I tried to tell him to go to hell, it wouldn't work. The words were already scripted from my past, too late to be altered.

"Andrew, I want you," the words escaped my lips, and my gut felt like it was wrenched out of my stomach.

Desire crossed his brown eyes, and my heart thudded heavy in my chest. I didn't want this potential for disappointment. I already watched this show--I didn't need to relive it.

I had to watch the horror all over before I could wake myself up, and it wasn't even me--it was Alec's phone going off.

I kept my eyes closed as I felt Alec shift to pull his phone out of his pants pocket. "Hello?" he greeted in a groggy voice. There was a pause as the person on the other end talked. "Nah, I can't man," Alec replied. There was silence as the other person talked. "I'm with my girlfriend--I said I can't."