Come back to me...

Chapter 5

*DISCLAIMER: there is abuse and self harm in this chapter so read at your own risk!*

Rachel POV

It all started when Johnny asked me out. We were both in our Sophomore year. I was walking down the hall with Niall because we had French next. As we were walking, I started to hear marching band music. I thought it was all in my head, but then I saw people with saxaphone's and snare's and clarinet's coming towards me. Then, as I stood there, the band people made a path for someone. That someone was Johnny.

Johnny and I had gone on some dates, but it wasn't serious. I did really like him though, so when I saw this my heart melted.

The band slowly came to a stop and me and Johnny were about a foot apart, when he asked me the question that changed my life forever.

"Rachel Ella Evans, would you do me the great honor of being my girlfriend?" He asked. I could tell he was nervous, but I was just excited.

"Yes! Yes! I would love to be your girlfriend!" I said as he pulled me in for a kiss. Ever since that day, me and Johnny were labeled the schools' sweethearts. It was all good for a couple months, until I realized that he had changed. He started drinking heavily and was even doing some drugs when I was not around.

I remember once, my family wasn't home, so it was just me and Johnny. He was drinking a couple beers, but I didn't mind since Nialler loves beer as well. As I got up to go to the kitchen, to make us something to eat, he yanked me down on to the couch we were sitting on.

"Where the hell do you think your going?" A drunken Johnny told me. This had taken me by surprise. He never got like this and I didn't know what to do.

"Uh- I was just going to make us something to eat. I figured you were hungry." I said timidly.

"You can make it later. Stay here with me." He said, tightening his grip on my wrist. It really hurt.

"Babe, you're hurting me." I whimpered. Then, he slapped me so hard across the face, that I actually got dizzy.

"I DON'T CARE IF I'M FUCKING HURTING YOU! YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND AND YOU'RE GONNA DO AS I SAY! GOT IT?" He yelled.

I just nodded my head, vigorously, unable to speak. Too surprised to process what just happened. Then, I saw guilt on his face and his eyes changed from anger to sorrow.

"Oh my gosh, babe. I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. Please forgive me." He said as he caressed my face, the part where he slapped me.

"Yeah, it's ok, honey. You didn't mean it. Just promise me you won't do it again."

"I won't. I swear." And I believed him. I was so wrong for trusting him.

He ended up doing it more frequently, to the point where I was left unconscious in my room. I know what you're thinking. Why didn't you tell anyone? I couldn't. Everytime I thought about it, it would be as if Johnny read my mind and said that if I told anyone he would harm my family. I didn't care much about myself, but I could not let my family get hurt. No way. So, everytime he was drunk, he would beat me because I didn't follow his specific rules. I was sick of it.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. So, I did the most worst thing anybody could do to themselves. I started to cut myself. He would always tell me that I was worthless, a waste of space. I took it serously and believed him.

I went to my dad's room and went into his drawer, knowing he had blades in there because he needed it for work. I didn't know what I was doing. I immediately went to the bathroom in my room and locked it. My hand shakily held the blade above my arm. Wait. I thought to myself. People will find out that I cut myself if I use my arms. With that in mind I pulled up my pants, with my thigh exposed. Then, I ran the blade across my leg. It hurt so much, but felt good. I felt like I was in control. I controlled my own pain. I did 4 more lines because that's all I could take.