Love with no bounds

Coping

a/n: magnus is having a hard time coping with Alec's death... and then he finds something

magnus pov
Another quite morning. Another morning to an empty bed. Another morning of being alone. I reach my hand out but he's not there anymore. I let out a small cry. I clench my fists and smack the bed.
'It should of been me!' I cry and then grab the bottle of brown liquid. I drink it from the bottle. This has been the only thing helping me cope, Alchoal. Alec always hated when I would drown my feelings out with it. He said 'we should talk about it' and we always did eventually. I miss everything even the little things. Like the way he would kiss my forehead every morning. The way we would cuddle after a long day of work. The way he would get flustered when he saw me shirtless. The way he would tell me how beautiful I am. The way he hold my hand. The way he would get jealous. The way he would say 'husband'. They way would fight and then make up. I can't imagine life with out Alexander. Not anymore. People expect me to move on because I'm a warlock so I have experienced heartbreak like this. Not like this. Never like this. This was the first time I was married and had kids. Rafe and Max miss him too but they are back home with their families.

I clumsily walk to the wardrobe and grab one of Alec's sweaters and wrap myself around it. I sit on the sofa and drink more. Nothing can make me better. Everything just reminds me of him. The photos on the shelves. The sofa I'm sitting on is where would normally cuddle. His clothes, that I practically forced out of Jace's hands. I still wear my wedding ring, I'm not letting go of it. He was my husband. The love of my life. I have never met anyone like him. Until him, I had closed myself off, then we became more open. I don't talk to anybody anymore. Alec would tell me to 'move on' but I can't. He was the one. He said forever, I believed it. But obviously forever is different in warlock terms. It literally means forever. I wish I was with him. He told me before he passed away that he doesn't 'want to see me sad' but I really can't do anything else. Other than think of him...

flashback (alec's death)
'Magnus...' Alec chocked from his bed.
'Alexander? Are you ok? Do you need anything? Water? Blanket? Food?' Magnus frantically said.
'Baby, no.' Alec hesitated 'Come here'
Magnus crouched down by Alec's bedside and kissed the top his forehead.
'I just need you to stay here' Alec sighed.
'But I need to find a cure, a new spell. A new potion, something.' Magnus replied quickly.
'Magnus, there is no cure. We went to a mundane doctor and they diagnosed it as cancer. We went to the silent brothers too and they said the same. They said there is no cute to this mundane illness' Alec explained.
'No I can make you better, I swear' Magnus said softly.
'No. Please just stay' Alec chocked and brought Magnus to the other side of the bed. Magnus huddled in close to his husband and their noses touched.
'I don't want you to go' Magnus started to sob.
'Me neither. But I'm gonna have to' Alec sighed heavily coughing slightly.
'What am... am I gonna do without.. without you?' Magnus choked.
'Move on.' Alec nodded.
'No.' Magnus shook his head.
'Please, you can be happy' Alec let his tears fall and Magnus gripped onto Alec's wrists.
'I'm happy with you' Magnus hummed.
'So am I but there will time where you will have to move on' Alec gulped.
'Never.' Magnus whispered and Alec slightly blushed but was covered in doubt. Magnus brushed Alec's slightly grey-ish hair out of his face. He smiled.
'I love you' Magnus said.
'I love you too' Alec replied and kissed Magnus' lips. It was forceful and loving. Alec turned away and his eyes looked up at the celeing.
'Dont forget me' Alec cried.
'No,no. I will never' Magnus rushed over to Alec, gripping his hands.
'I'm so sorry Magnus' Alec cried and moved his forehead toward Magnus' 'I love you. More than you know' Alec slowly let go of Magnus hand and closed his eyes. He raised his chest one more time, and became quiet.
'Alexander! No!' Magnus sobbed into Alec's chest

end of flashback, present time
'Magnus!' A voice rang from behind the door. I grumbled and opened half myeyes.
'Magnus!' the voice said again.
'Go away, no visitors!' I yelled and let the glass slip through my hands.
'I'm coming in' The voice said and the door unlocked. A blurry vison of aslightly smaller girl with red hair walked in.
'Oh, its you Clary. Go away.' I said frankly when my eyes were clearer
'I'm here to see how you are. Don't push me away' Clary walked closer towards me. She reached down and found a glass and an empty bottle of gin on the floor.
'Oh Magnus, you shouldn't be drinking' she sighed.
'I have a warlock tolerance, remember' ai slightly grunted and grabbed the glass out of Clary's hands.
'So what's the plan today?' she asked, still out of normally bright nature.
'Drink and oh that's right drink' I nodded and grabbed another bottle of gin out of the cabinet.
'No, none of that today.' Clary shook her head and sat on one of the stools near the kitchen counter.
'What do you expect me to do then? I only lost Alexander what 6 weeks ago?!' I protested.
'And Jace and Izzy lost their brother. The institute lost their leader. Max and Rafe lost their dad. They don't want to loose another one' Clary explained.
'Your not helping!' I was starting to get annoyed.
'Well then what do you want me to do? I'm here to help' Clary reassured Magnus.
'Just leave, I don't want you here' I said and clicked my fingers. The door was open. I didn't want her here. I could now see why Alexander hated her
'Pushing away isn't going to help' Clary sighed and got closer to me. I took a few steps back.
'Just leave' I rolled my eyes
'Fine. But Jace told me to give you this.' Clary handed me a white envelope and K took it from her hands.
'What is it?' He asked confused and put down the bottle.
'Not sure' Clary shrugged and walked out.
The envelope had Magnus written across it. I leaned against the kitchen counter as I started to open it then read it.

Dear Magnus,

I know it might be long after my death that you might be reading this. I'm so sorry, I wasn't able to beat it off like the strong shadowhunter you think I am. Hope your doing alright, I'm looking down on everybody you especially. I miss you everyday. Sometimes I wish you were here but some angels deserve to be on earth too. I miss everything. I miss you, Izzy, Jace and the boys. How are they by the way? Has Rafe proposed yet? Sorry.. I'm trying to distract myself from the bad stuff. You always pointed it out! You will always be in my heart, you were my first love, my first husband, my first everything and I'm so happy that I got to spend that life with you. And nobody else. You were it for me. You beautiful, confident man. I will always love you. Please, I know this will be hard but try and move on. With somebody new because you deserve it. You gave so much love and care to me, now it's somebody else's turn.

Please can you make sure you don't hurt yourself with alcohol. Please I don't want you to be like this. I want you living the best life, don't waste it on me. Also can you make sure Izzy and Jace are doing ok, I know going to the institute isn't amazing but it would be so generous of you. I wanna make sure your doing ok too. Always you, before anything else. I love you Magnus, more than you know. I love everything about you. I miss everything about you. Never forget.

Love, Alexander Lightwood-Bane