Imprisoned Love 2

Day by Day

A/N : Sorry if this chapter's a little messy, I really wanted to update before Christmas but also wanted to spend time with my family and friends lol

Anyways from the bottom of my heart, I hope you're all staying safe and are keeping well! Happy holidays and see you all in 2021!! <3

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Jade's POV:

My eyes travel along the ceiling, gliding from one place to another as I lie flat on my back with my conjoined hands resting just above my diaphragm. Taking in a deep breath like how my therapist once instructed me, I tense up every muscle in my body. From my face, all the way down to my toes. And I hold the tension for a count of five seconds. Letting the negativity swarm through me whilst in this 'state'.

You're stupid for letting her in again.

You're making the same mistake twice, dumbass.

She's just using you.

I keep my eyes fixed on a single speck on the ceiling, shaking my head to myself before letting go of all the tension in my body, relaxing myself completely. Well.. only the body portion of myself.

You'd think sixth time's the charm, huh?

Looking over at my bedside alarm clock, I internally groan when I see that it's already been a full two hours since Tori and I came up here. A full two hours of trying to forget about recent events. A full two hours of trying to fall asleep but failing no matter what I do. A full two hours of overthinking.

Silence. Pure silence and emptiness masked together, leaving me to get lost in my head as every word I'd uttered out to her return to my mind.

Speaking my thoughts to Vega was probably one of the hardest- no scariest, things I had to do in a long while. It was like I was re-opening the door to my heart, and even though she was 'asleep', it still felt as if I was going to be consumed from all the voices in my head screaming at me to slam it shut once again. Yelling at me that I'm making a huge mistake and that I'm only setting myself up for another heartbreak. And tearing me down word for word as they remind me of every bad thing Vega's done.

I almost chickened out. Every word I'd spoken aloud.. was with force, and pain, because I wanted her to know that I really do have a heart. I just never really chose to show it to her up until I was so inclined to last night. But as I went on with my revelations, the harder they seemed to get. The longer the pauses were between each sentence. And the heavier my heart felt, almost drowning in a sea of darkness and pain.

But I refused to let it get the best of me. I refused to give in. And instead, I hung tighter to my one anchor. My one solution. Holding her as if my life depended on it, because in that moment.. it really did feel like it.

And although the voices in my head never stopped screaming at me.. the harder I held onto her.. it was almost as if they were lowering in volume and in pitch. The more I opened my heart, the lighter it seemed to eventually get.

It's insane really. How Vega doesn't even need to say a single fucking word for me to instantly calm down. Every time I hold her like that, it always feels like my heart stops momentarily, before it's pumping again twice as hard. And only she.. can ever get my heart to act like that.

I don't even think she realizes what she does, because she literally does nothing out of the ordinary. It's just the tiny little details that my mind somehow incredibly picks up on. Things like her warm breath crashing against my neck in a steady pattern, allowing my nerves to slowly deteriorate as each second passes. Or the feeling of her skin under my fingertips as I rub gentle circles along her spine. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that she trusts me still, even after everything I've done to her. Why she trusts me, I'll never know. But all I know is that she does. And that's all I'll ever need for my guilt to disintegrate into thin air, and for me to continue expressing how I feel.