𝐆𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐄 (𝐓.𝐊𝐄𝐈 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑)

[.𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟕.]

ganymede: chapter 7

tsukishima kei sat down at the edge of his bed that night, his cellphone in hand as he contemplated asking yamaguchi for help with his frustrating emotions. he was in denial about them, to be completely honest. he didn't want to accept that maybe - just maybe - he might have a crush on a certain girl he had to tutor. 

eventually, he swallowed his pride (reluctantly) and dialled yamaguchi tadashi's oh-so-familiar number. it took only three rings for the other boy to pick up. 

"mm hello?" yamaguchi's tired voice rung. 

"were you sleeping?" 

"not anymore," yamaguchi grumbled, and some shuffling could be heard. tsukishima felt a small pang of guilt for waking up his friend, but he brushed it aside. "what's up?"

"well i was wondering if you could describe to me... what having a crush feels like," tsukishima said as nonchalantly as possible, lying down on his bed, stomach facing the ceiling dotted with little glow stars he and akiteru had put up when he was younger. he missed it when times were simpler for him; when he knew for a "fact" that girls were gross and had "cooties". he silently missed the times when he and his brother were close, when his dad was always home, and when he could count on his feelings to be stable. 

or maybe he was just being overdramatic right now.

"oh? well why do you want to know?" yamaguchi asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice. "oh! is this about y/n?"

"what? that's ridiculous. i've mentioned that i hate her before, haven't i?" tsukishima snapped, figuring that his uncharacteristic defensiveness was bound to turn some cogs in yamaguchi's head. he gritted his teeth, hoping that yamaguchi wasn't awake enough to notice it. 

"tsukki, you can tell me," yamaguchi yawned. 

"there's nothing to tell. can you answer my question now?"

"not unless you tell me why you need to know what a crush feels like."

godammit. since when did yamaguchi drive such a hard bargain?

"i'm going to bed," tsukishima suddenly said, his finger already hovering over the red 'disconnect' button. 

"WAIT," yamaguchi raised his voice, "okay, fine, you don't have to tell me."

tsukishima positioned the phone back onto his ear. 

"having a crush - to me - feels like... well, just sudden giddiness at the sight of them, you know? like, this sounds really cliche, but i get little butterflies in my stomach and i feel extremely excited and nervous at the same time. nervous as in... what if i just kinda fuck up everything in front of them? but also excited in the sense like, wow i get to see them! heh, i hope that makes sense tsukki," yamaguchi explained, sounding more awake now. 

tsukishima was completely enamoured in yamaguchi's words. at times like this, yamaguchi seemed a thousand times more mature than tsukishima, which made tsukki feel quite proud in a way. 

"... alright. thanks," tsukishima mumbled, now lying on his stomach and wallowing in the darkness of his room. "so, having a crush... it doesn't feel mushy or anything?"

"oh yeah, i guess mushy too. it's a hard feeling to describe, i don't think i said everything i wanted to say, because some parts of love and loving is really hard to articulate with just words, don't you think?" yamaguchi sighed. tsukishima rolled his eyes a bit (how corny!), nevertheless he couldn't help but slightly agree with his wise friend. 

"... i guess so," tsukishima replied after a bit, earning a small chuckle from yamaguchi on the other end. 

"so are you ready now? you wanna tell me who your crush is?" yamaguchi pushed on, and it was clear to see that the boy wasn't going to give up anytime soon. 

"tadashi," tsukishima said, enunciating just how important this matter was by using the other boy's first name, "if i tell you, you can't tell anybody else, nor can you bring this up... ever, i guess."

"fine with me."

tsukishima took a deep breath. he doubted that this was a crush in the first place, until he saw himself in front of her tonight, practically melting at the fact that he felt some sort of gravitation towards her. this was certainly not hatred (like he kept convincing himself it was), he could conclude that for sure.  

"is it y/n?" yamaguchi asked in a hushed tone when he didn't hear a direct response from tsukishima. 

"... i think so."

---

that night, tsukishima didn't go to bed after hanging up wth yamaguchi. instead, he cracked open his window just a bit - just enough for the cool night air to caress his tired body - to look up at the sky. he'd always ignored the true night sky for his superficial one in his own bedroom, but after meeting a certain moon-loving girl, he wanted to see what the craze was about. 

and so his eyes were met with a shining, beautiful moon; the same one you seeked every night. and neither of you knew it, but your eyes were resting on the same moon that night, both slightly marveled at the sheer beauty of it. 

tsukishima couldn't help but wonder how he could remind you of such a beautiful feature in the universe. he was far from beautiful, and believed he couldn't even begin to measure up to the moon in the slightest. 

but, according to you, he reminded you of a cold moon with a warm core. 

which, maybe, is what he was after all. 

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