you are loved. - r.lupin (ft. THE s.black)

aftermath

Caroline shut the door behind her and slid down until she was sitting with her back to the door. "I don't think I can show my face ever again," Caroline moaned.

"Are you alright?" Marlene McKinnon asked. Caroline didn't talk to Marlene a lot, even if she was her roommate. It was always Caroline and Lily, no one else needed in her friend circle. The blonde desperately glanced at Lily's well-made bed and buried her face in her knees.

"I know we're not the closest but I'm always here to talk," Marlene said kindly. She moved from her bed to Caroline and sat next to her on the floor of their shared dormitory.

"I kissed Remus," Caroline whispered.

"Remus Lupin?" Marlene clarified. "Is that the one that stares at you during meals? I don't mean to overstep, I just notice him staring sometimes."

Caroline lifted her head up and turned to Marlene. "I knew I wasn't delusional! I thought he was staring at me too. That's one of the reasons I thought he fancied me."

"Why don't you tell me the whole story?" Marlene suggested.

"Just now, we were walking together because he said he needed to go for a walk for some strange reason. Then he asked me if I fancied anyone and I said 'is it that obvious' because I was like 'how does he know I fancy him'?" Caroline paused and glanced at Marlene to see if she was following. Marlene nodded and motioned for the blonde to continue.

"And he said he figured it out and I was like 'oh shit' so I was like 'what are your opinions on it' and he said 'whoever this person is, they probably fancy you back and they probably think you're this amazing, perfect person' and in my mind, I thought he was saying his thoughts aloud but just phrased it differently."

"Right," Marlene nodded. "Well, I'd say that's Remus' fault because if I were in the same position as you, I would think he fancied me too. Like, do you see the way he stares at you? It's like you're his entire world."

"Exactly!" Caroline huffed. "So then I kissed him and it was a nice kiss. Actually, it was a perfect kiss and I felt fireworks and tingles and he smelled nice and he kissed back. Everything was perfect! Which is why it makes the situation so much worse!"

"Then what, Caroline?"

"Then, he said he thought we were talking about someone else!" Caroline cried out, burying her head in her knees again. "He never fancied me! That's so embarrassing! And we're supposed to be going to Hogsmeade together but it's not a date! I still want to go to Hogsmeade!"

"What about Lily? Why don't you just go with her?"

"Lily's got a date and she hasn't been on a date in months so I can't take that away from her," Caroline insisted. "Ugh, I really wanted to go to Hogsmeade but it's fine. I'll just ask Lily to pick something up for me."

"I had a date but if you wanna hang out with me, I'll cancel."

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Trust me, I don't really want to. He's a nice guy and a good snog but he has no one to talk about his feelings to so he tells them to me for some reason," Marlene complained. "It doesn't make sense to be but he just pours his heart about this one special girl. I don't see us going anywhere in the future when all he thinks about is someone else. He hasn't told me her name but she seems special."

"Who's the guy?"

"Sirius Black."

---------------

Remus laid in his bed that night and didn't move a single muscle. He assumed that everyone else was asleep but apparently not. "Hey, Moony!" Sirius whispered into the darkness.

"What Padfoot?" Remus whispered back, not bothering to lift his head from his pillow because he wouldn't be able to see Sirius anyways.

"Do you know what it's like to love someone?"

Remus raised his eyebrows at the question. "Of course I've loved someone, Padfoot. I love my parents and I love you guys."

"No, not like that," Sirius scowled, disregarding the fact that Remus said he loved the Marauders. "Have you ever loved a girl before? In a non-platonic way?"

Remus shut his eyes and tried his best to fall asleep. "Moony?" Sirius repeated quietly. "I know you're awake."

Remus shifted in his bed. "It's late, Sirius. Go to bed."

"I think I love her," Sirius whispered quietly. "I love Caroline."

A couple minutes later, Remus' ears were filled with the soft snoring of Sirius Black. The werewolf felt guilty and horrible. He fancied Caroline for years and he finally got his chance but he couldn't do that to Sirius.

Sirius loves Caroline, Remus thought. You kissed Caroline. Well, technically, Caroline kissed you. You don't love Caroline, you've just fancied her for a long time. Yeah, that's right. Remus John Lupin, when you wake up, you will drop this silly school crush and move on with your life because Sirius' happiness is more important than yours. Is that understood? Yes sir.

The next morning, Remus still fancied Caroline even though he told himself not to. And he felt awful about it. "What's on your mind, Remus? You can always talk to your everyday guidance counselor, yours truly," James suggested as he attempted to fix his unruly black curls.

Remus shoved his books and extra parchment into his satchel in the most aggressive way and James thought his parchment was going to rip. "Perfectly fine," Remus grumbled. "It's not like the girl of my dreams finally confessed her feelings for me and I rejected her because she deserves to be with someone better."

"Woah woah woah woah WOAH," James shouted, putting his comb down. "Where is this coming from, Moony? And why don't I know about this special girl?"

"Special girl?" Sirius asked. He left the bathroom and grabbed his leather jacket off his bead. "You know who's special? Caroline," Sirius sighed dreamily and slipped his jacket on.

"Shut it!" Peter grumbled. The Pettigrew boy still laid in his bed and didn't plan on getting out any time soon. "She's not even special! She's Caroline!"

"Back to the topic," James said. "Who's this special girl? You can't just slide past that like I didn't hear what I just heard."

"It's not important now," Remus pouted. "I can't date her, not with my condition. I don't want her to get hurt." Remus was telling the partial truth and he knew it. Yes, he didn't want Caroline to get hurt but it was also for Sirius' sake.

"It affects you once a month and that's only during the nighttime," Sirius pointed out. "I mean, yeah, you get sick for like a week but I think if she really fancied you, she could handle it."

"Let's just go," Remus said. He slung his satchel over his shoulder and left the room. Sirius and James quickly followed and they left Peter behind to sleep.