Quarantine swipe

Stay away from me

I was eager to get home. To take a shower and just be home.

Finally I got there and as I was unlocking my door I heard Emerson's door opening.

I turned to see him, He stepped a little into the hall and looked at me from head to toe, realizing that I was dressed with yesterday's clothes, he looked at me with hateful eyes, like if he was so disappointed at me. Like he was disgusted.

"I see your date went well" he said with a serious cold voice.
The look he had towards me was like a dagger stabbing me.
It was obvious that he had the wrong impression.
I felt ashamed, I didn't wanted him to think the wrong way about me. I felt the urge of give him an explanation.

"Emerson" I said approaching "it's not what you think"

I don't know why but I felt like I was betraying him, even if I didn't slept with Noah.

"Just leave me alone Andy" he said unkind and then he stepped into his apartment, closed the door practically in my face and I was left alone in the hall, confused about what just happened.

I couldn't left things like this. So I went to knock on his door.

"Emerson" I yelled
"Please open" I yelled again
"Let me explain" I added
He opened his door aggressively and said
"There's nothing to explain" he said.
"I.. I didn't sleep with him" I said stumbling with my words.

He closed his eyes like he was in pain, like if the image of me sleeping with Noah caused him pain.
"You're such a liar, I don't know how I didn't see it before" he said, his words felt like he was stabbing me
"Please just stay away from me"
His words hurt me in an inexplicable way.

"Emerson I swear, there was no cabs or subway last night, I was all the way in Brooklyn, I couldn't come back, I stayed over at Noah's, but nothing happened" I said defending myself.
He opened his eyes as if he seen a ray of hope
"Nothing happened?" He asked hopeful
"No" I said
"Not even a kiss?" He said

Fuck

Why was I such a terrible liar?

I looked down and then my eyes gave me away.

He looked at me again shaking his head in realization.
"Stay away from me" he said coldly.

He closed his door leaving me again alone in the hall.
But this time I started crying.
I got into my apartment and tears started coming.

That's why I am so scared of him.

Everything he says or does has such an impact in my life, he has all the power over me. With one word he could destroy me. And now he has.
And we aren't even in a relationship.

And what if I kissed someone? I wasn't his, we weren't a couple or something, we just kissed once, that doesn't mean that he has exclusivity over me.

I spent all day at my couch, watching cheesy movies and crying. It was like when the lockdown started.

And I kept thinking what could I do to make things right with Emerson.