Learning to Love

Chapter 36

Quick A/N - This story will now be written from the third perspective. I have found I like writing this way better. But the story will still shift between Natasha and Steve. Thanks! Enjoy the chapter! (Not edited)

Steve stares silently at the wall in his bedroom. He hasn't been able to contact Natasha since this morning. It was nearing 8 pm now. An unfamiliar anxiety rises in his chest, the same weight pushing his breathing to be heavier. Natasha is ok. Natasha is ok. He tries to convince himself but deep down he knows it isn't true. He knows exactly what it is like to lose your parents; he'd lost both of his before he was even an adult. Those thoughts only made him feel worse.

Truthfully, Steve wasn't even entirely sure where Natasha may be. He knew Russia was the best guess. She probably had her hands around her parent's killer's throats right now. Though he hoped she didn't. What he really wished for was to have Natasha in his arms. To be able to pet her hair until all her worries where gone. To be able to wipe the tears from her face as they fell. In reality he knew she needed space. If he had learned anything from falling in love with Natasha Romanoff it was, don't try to stop her; all your efforts would prove futile.

His thoughts begin to mush together into a mess until he can no longer think. He begins to get a headache from staring at his phone screen; waiting for her to text him, call him, anything. Any sign of life would do. Steve knew somewhere in his head and his gut that Yelena would take care of her. She would keep her out of trouble. Then again, she may just add to the problem also.

--- --- --- --- ---

Natasha leans her head against the port-hole window of the jet. Her head rolls to her chest and she has to remind herself to stay awake. Yelena is fast asleep across the aisle, soft snores coming from her half open mouth. She needs to sleep, so badly she has to fight to stay awake. Knowing if she falls asleep she will be behind.

Hide. Go. "Natasha Run!"

Fast. Faster. Go.

Eyes blur. Can't see.

Run. Hide.

Fight.

Branches cut and sting.

Run. Hide.

She falls to the dirt. Covered in mud. Can't breathe. Can't think.

Run.

"Natasha don't wait for me."

Blood so much blood.

Her arms and legs covered.

Not her blood.

His blood.

Natasha wakes from her nightmare in a scream. Yelena already at her side comforting her.

"'Talia, breathe. Take a deep breath for me," Natasha struggles to catch her breathe and panics and squirms, trying to pull away from Yelena. Just like Steve, Yelena pulls Natasha tighter to her, giving her something to ground herself with. Eventually she settles down, her sister runs her fingers through her hair, whispering soft words into her ear.

Natasha grips Yelena's arm as if it may be the last thing she ever does. This is all her fault. Suddenly it all clicks. Her parents are dead. Gone. Not Fury's fault, not Yelena's not Steve's. Her fault. She got her parents killed. If she hadn't gone on a suicide mission to defeat the Red Room then none of this would of happened.

It's all my fault.

Suddenly, she begins to feel calstraphobic and pushes away from Yelena. She gets up and paces up and down the short isle of the private jet. Hands on her head, tears streaming down her face. Yelena watches her sister struggle through the pain. Trying to grasp to something anything.

Natasha's thoughts scream through her head, as the captain comes over the loud speakers,

"Beginning out descent into Kiev, Ukraine. Please be seated."

Natasha paces back to her seat and buckles in. Her forehead presses into the window and she quickly brushes away the tears.

Yelena takes her seat across from her and they stay silent for the rest of the flight.

The intel Yelena had gathered before finding Natasha wasn't enough, not even close to what they needed to find the hitman. They would have more, but SHIELD wouldn't allow Natasha on any floor close to Ivan's cell. Not that he would said much anyway, but at this point anything is something.

Kiev, Yelena's home country, was the first lead. Yelena found a few contacts that might have some information on the man who Ivan hired. But first, Yelena needed to find away to get Natasha's head in the game.

--- --- --- --- ---

Steve finally got himself together and gathered the team. He tasked Tony with finding Natasha and Yelena, while he and Wanda searched through files on Ivan. Later, Fury arrives to the tower to help. He explains Natasha and Ivan's past or as much as he knows. Fury also told them Natasha quit. Steve felt himself break a little when he heard this.

Being an agent was the one stable thing in Natasha's life. The thing that saved her from herself, and she gave it away. I need to find her. The one thought runs through his mind over and over.

Tony had confirmed that his jet touched down in Ukraine about an hour ago. Steve was the first to jump from his seat to get packed, ready to go. It was Fury who stopped him and told him to sit down.

"We need to think about this. I for one know Romanoff doesn't want us chasin' after her," Fury states standing in front of the team in the conference room.

"Nick, she's gonna get herself killed looking for this guy," Steve urges.

"Don't let your emotions get to you. We are talking about Natasha. She can handle herself," Wanda states. "And I am just as worried but I think this is something we sit back on."

"Fine. You guys can stand here and hope for the best. But I am sure as hell not gonna let my girlfriend die because of a vendetta," Steve raises his voice and storms from the conference room.

--- --- --- --- ---

Bucky looks up from the book in his hands when he hears the door open. Steve stands in front on him, his eyes red from crying; his hands in fists.

"What's wrong pal?" He asks.

"It's Natasha she's gone. Again. And I'm going after her. Again," Steve states sitting down next to his childhood friend.

"Seems to me like she needs space," Bucky states honestly.

"That's what everyone keeps telling me but it doesn't feel right. Every time I chase after her it turns out she needed me all along, and I can't not try. I just feel. I feel, useless," Steve confides.

"Trust your gut man. I think Natasha might be one of those girls worth chasing after," Bucky chuckles.

"She is. I'd chase her forever if I had too. Thanks Buck, I'll call you ok?"

"Of course. Go get your girl."

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