Are We Damned? ~ Glee

Plain Jane Fat Ass

Blaine walked into the choir room, which he was expecting to be empty, and saw Santana sitting by herself. "Oh hey, Tana. Wasn't expecting to see you here. What's up?"

Santana looked up and faked a smile. "Nothing, really.... It's just, um... Do you think I look fat?"

That definitely wasn't Blaine was expecting to hear. He couldn't remember any other time where Santana said something like that, where she showed her vulnerability. He wasn't really sure how to react, although he knew what he wanted to say. He hoped she wouldn't take his hesitation as a bad thing. "No, not at all. What makes you think you do?"

"Then why did I get Nadia? Do you know how many times they mention her weight in the script? I'd rather have ensemble. Or even be cut."

He sighed and sat beside her. "It has nothing to do with your weight. I'll admit, it was a poor casting choice, but I promise it was based on your personality. Think about how similar you two are. You both hate everyone and you're not afraid to admit it."

She laughed a bit at that. "Thank you, but it's easy for you to look on the bright side. You're the lead."

"I have to admit, I'm not too happy about my part either," he said. She turned to him, confused. What was there to dislike? Blaine knew she was waiting for an explanation, but he didn't know what to say. The only person at McKinley he was out to was Kurt, even his own brother didn't know. He wasn't sure he could trust Santana, and they weren't really close either, so telling her might be weird. Blaine didn't know that Santana was also closeted. "I guess I can tell you, I haven't really told anyone... Well, people at my first school knew, but they... They didn't react too well. Then the guys at Dalton knew, they were okay with it, but I don't know if they really were or if they just had to be... My dad left when he found out, my mom doesn't seem to care too much, but I don't know... My own brother doesn't even know. I only told one person here because I'm scared of what everyone else will say. I'm talking too much, aren't I? Anyway... I'm gay. And I don't want to play Jason because... I guess it's stupid to even think, but what if people find out? What if they think, his performance is too real, he must be gay?"

"They're not going to think that," Santana said. She considered telling him that she was also in the closet, and for similar reasons, but decided against it. She wasn't ready yet, and although it was clear he wasn't either, she couldn't bring herself to say it. "And I won't hate you or anything, and I won't tell anyone. But just remember, no matter what, all the glee kids will have your back. I mean, we've always supported Kurt even when the rest of the world was against him, why would you be any different?" She felt like a bit of a hypocrite, telling Blaine there was no reason to be scared when she felt the same way, but unlike him, she had a reputation to keep up with the entire school, and outside of glee club, they weren't so accepting.

"I know, but... Kurt got bullied out of the school when everyone found out..."

"Yeah, and now he's left alone, for the most part. I'm not saying you have to come out, but just know you don't have to be afraid. And no matter what, I'll always be here."

He smiled. "Thanks. God, I made this all about me... You must have something to talk about too, right? You started this conversation. So, what's on your mind?" 

She didn't really care to talk about herself. She wanted to keep up her reputation - confident, not caring what anyone thought, not scared of anything - and she couldn't do that if she opened up. But he had talked to her about his struggles, and it couldn't hurt. Besides, it might be good to get her feelings out. "I've never been happy with myself," she admitted. "I blame Sue, at least partially, to be honest... She taught us to care about our appearance, that everyone is judging us, that we have to be perfect, skinny, that we can't rest, we can barely even eat until we are. And it's hard to get those thoughts out of my head when it's all I hear every day..." 

"Santana, you're beautiful. Okay? Everyone knows it. You don't have to change for anyone. You don't owe them anything. And Sue is a monster, don't listen to anything she tells you. Do you know how many people in this school wish they were you? It's a lot. And just because you got some stupid part in a musical doesn't mean anything. And besides, Nadia's weight isn't important. Look at the people that played her. Some of them look like you. Don't let your part define you. Please. I know it's hard to get Sue's words out of your head, but she's wrong. She's always wrong. About everything." 

Again, she had to laugh. "You're good at making me smile, even if your advice kinda sucks."

"Thanks, I think."

"Yeah, of course."

"Oh, and like you said, I'm always here for you."

"Thank you. You know, I never expected you to be the person I open up to. But I'm not complaining." 

He smiled. "I can say the same."

"Thanks."

"Well, Santana... Looks like it's me and you against... Well, everyone."

Santana nodded. "Me and you against everyone."

"Am I allowed to hug you?"

She pretended to think about it. "I'll allow it."

"Thank you!" He smiled and gave her a quick hug.

"Of course. Now, let's get back out there before anyone suspects something."