Fragmented Rhapsody

Fragment 10

 10 
Moment

For years, Christmas was the usual for me – plain and blue.

I always thought that it was due to the lack of a mother figure inside the house to celebrate it with us, but that thought was erased when I realized that I have Nanay Flores. Sobrang tagal ko ring naghanap ng mga sagot sa aking tanong.

Why does it always feel this way – lonely ? 

Then it dawned to me that it was because of the partly-rifted relationship I have with my father. I've always known that we seem like two ends of a rope wanting to meet each other hesitantly. Papa was a lot sterner with me during my childhood. Kaunti lamang ang mga naging kaibigan ko – it could just be counted within one hand.

He was a bit imposing, wanting me to be always at my best state. It didn't matter to him if I was in second place or third, because he just wanted the first. Regardless of that, I still tried to think comprehensively.

Gusto kong intindihin kung bakit ganoon. But I never got answers, so I let it be that way.

Akala ko ganoon ulit sa pasko ng taong it but surprisingly, it wasn't. It wasn't as plain and blue as I thought it would be.

It was warmer than before, brighter than those years because of new people I met. They were my constants – Caitlyn, Octavian, Alfred, Lucifer, Dominic – they all made the agonizing months of waiting for Christmas turn into something worth expecting.

New Year's Eve came and I just had my call with my grandparents from Italy. Every year, we try to at least visit them in New Year but the firm has a lot to handle comes the first month and Papa couldn't even afford to have a vacation. Naging maayos naman ito para sa kanila at naiintindihan nila 'yon.

It was past 2 am when the whole house decided to sleep the day of January 1. We had our own fireworks display coupled with the one the village had. Papa had our helpers go home with their families for days too. Tanging ang natira lamang sa bahay ay ako, si Papa, Nanay Flores at ang mga bodyguards.

After greeting everybody for one last time, I got into bed to call the day off. I was already unintentionally dozing off to my sleep when my phone rang in my bedside table. Without knowing who the caller was, I was so into the idea of lashing out. 

Because who freaking calls at this godly hour?!

With eyes closed, I reached for my phone and tapped it beside my ear.

"Happy New Year," isang malamyos na boses ang bumungad sa aking pandinig – it was Octavian's bedroom voice and I don't know why my irritation subdued for a moment.

"Gago," I tried to sound really disappointed, "What time is it?"

I heard him chuckle and I feel myself blushing. "Lutong naman! Mas malutong pa sa binibigay kong bente sa mga namamasko?"

Hindi ako umimik at narinig ko siyang tumikhim. "Just listen, 'kay? You are going to be blessed by the gods now!"

Umirap ako sa kawalan. "Drop the call and let me sleep – "

Napatigil ako nang marinig ko siyang magsimulang mag-gitara. I shifted in my bed, hugging my pillow sideways.

Here we are, in the best years of our lives
With no way of knowing
When the wheel will stop spinning
Cause we don't know where we're going

Dear god, his voice is just too much. It was raspy, colder than Baguio's ambiance but it was also fiery, making my heart melt for no certain reason.