Fragmented Rhapsody

Fragment 22

22
For now, for good

"Yeah," he said. "We really have to talk."

I gritted my teeth and took a handful of courage from within. I looked out the window and assumed it's already nearing 7 in the evening – partly raining outside. Sobrang dilim na sa labas at mas lalo lamang dito sa loob dahil nakapatay ang ilang mga ilaw.

I didn't have them opened yet for Octavian's sake. Kung paano siya nakalagpas sa security sa labas gayong sobrang higpit nito ay hindi ko alam.

But this is Octavian – mysterious and cryptic.

I sometimes wonder how well do I know him?

"How did you pass through the guards?" malumanay kong tanong. I saw him exhale in submission, like he'd rather not talk about it. But I'd rather talk and know about it.

"It's easy, Nat...I climbed off a tree that extends to your window..."

Tinikom ko ang aking bibig at umiwas ng tingin. May kaunting hiya pa rin akong nararamdaman dahil sa nangyari kanina but it would be better if I could push that at the back of my head now. Mas mahalagang makapag-usap kami ngayon. I need to know the truth about everything. Ayoko na ng napagtataguan ng impormasyon.

"There are things I want to know," I said as I return my stare at him, trying hard to dig deep through those walls he has built. "I am aware of the positive ideals of privacy and secrecy but...I think what we have right now is unhealthy anymore."

Pumungay ang kaniyang mga mata at nakita ko kung gaano bumagsak ang kaniyang mga balikat. He's not telling me something and I don't think I could even get through it anymore. I'm tired of all the complications of everything and I just need one of them to be untangled. I'm just tired of all these bullshits!

Kahit nag-iisang hindi buhol sa lahat ng gulo. Kahit 'yun na lang sana.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, looking down.

Suminghap ako at pinigilan ang pag-iyak.

This has been cornered around my chest for weeks. I'd like to believe that I am the one to blame – because I didn't dare ask. Hindi ako nagtanong kay Octavian dahil takot akong malaman ang mga sagot.

Truth prevails – and it can either make or break you. If you're really that brave to face the consequences of knowing the truth, then good.

But if you're not built for unprecedented encounters, you're good as dead.

"It's partly my fault. I didn't want to probe on more details from you...because I was scared...but it has put me on a disadvantage –"

"Don't break up with me," pagputol niya sa akin. Nagulat ako nang makitang namamasa ang kaniyang mga mata sa luha.

"I'm not breaking up with you..."

"Pero maiisip mo 'yon, Natalia."

"What are you saying?" naguguluhan kong tanong. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ganoon ang kaniyang sinasabi! For Pete's sake, where is he coming from?

"Maiisip mo 'yon, Nat. Kaya please –" he croaked, "– kung maiisip mo 'yon...please, pwede na muna sana nating pag-usapan..."

I exhaled and snapped. "I don't understand –"

"I'm a fucking illegitimate child, Natalia."

My eyes widened a fraction at he just blabbered. "W-what? H-how? Your parents – they separated right –"