Fragmented Rhapsody

Prologue

Natalia Alexandrine C. Dela Merced

"It's either of two things, Natalia. You top the class, or you fail it - as easy as that. Do you understand?"

Either of two things: I top the class, or I fail it. Two simplified options on my plate; be it the winning or the failing, both are poisonous for my own sake.

Over the years, I've always been taught that people have different perspectives, which makes them unique for some reason. It's the way they see a situation that says a lot about who they are, and believe it or not; people are molded into a formulaic that is as predictable as when the sun rises or when it finally sets.

Idealists claim that no one can predict the waiting future; fate is unpredictable and forever changing with ceaseless doors of opportunities and crossroads of choices.

I don't claim the waiting future that way, at least my future, because at some point in living the life I was accustomed to, I'm starting to think that mine has long been sealed and untouchable.

As for my father, kung ano ang paniniwala niya, 'yun rin ang pamamaraan niya at hindi na ito magbabago. He got his plans laid out and he's going to accomplish them by hook or by crook.

Along with my tight grip around the leather strap of my bag, I couldn't ignore my labored breathing, like there's something as big as an elephant sitting above my chest.

But no matter how much I try to detach my consciousness for a moment, my father's words continue to echo around my ear. Twirling sharply, he makes sure that his words are embedded in my head.

Nakayuko ako habang tahimik na nakatayo. With my head bowed down, I tried harder to calm my pulsating nerves.

"I said, do you understand?"

Suminghap ako sa pag-ulit niya ng tanong at lakas-loob kong inabot ang kaniyang mga matang mariin ang titig. Those eyes - normally inquisitive and empty, so sunken you'll never know what the person really thinks.

I guess this is the life I've been used to. I already lost count of the times I've been summoned inside this home office to give me a recap of his plans.

"Papa," I said slowly, "It's the second year of college. Don't you think it's too much if I always have to be on top of the batch? I think...it's okay just to maintain good grades."

"Is that your way to say that I've been overboard?" He sounded like he found what I said ridiculous.

"It's not like that," agaran kong tanggi, kasabay ang pag-iling.

"If it's not, then I don't see anything wrong about it. It will always be better to be on top than to be the second best. Kung kaya mo naman, bakit hindi?" He grunted in a final note, "You may now go to your room. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

Para akong binagsakan ng langit at lupa nang mapagtantong hindi man lang ako binigyan ng pagkakataon para magpaliwanang at mag-salita. Nothing really changed for the past few years, huh?

Palaging ganito ang nangyayari, laging nasusunod ang kaniyang mga sinasabi.

"Okay, Papa," I breathed hard and walked to the door. A few steps before I reached the knob, I heard him call me, and my heart pounded dramatically as I anticipated another round of his preaches.

"Natalia," he uttered and there's a strain of softness in his voice despite the rough ambiance he displayed earlier.

Parang piniga ang puso ko nang marinig ang boses ni Papa. Nilingon ko siya nang bahagya upang pakinggan kung ano ang sasabihin. I saw him take off his glasses and massage the bridge of his nose, both elbows resting on top of his desk.