Fragmented Rhapsody

Fragment 34

34
For the second time

"Stop saying sorry," he sweetly hummed near my ear as I felt his soft kisses in my earlobe. "Wala kang kasalanan kaya 'wag ka na mag sorry, please?"

I shook my head in disbelief, pulling him closer if he isn't still the closest to me. Tuloy pa rin ang pag-iyak ko at hindi ko alam kung kailan ito titigil. All I feel right now is how much pain my heart is bearing thinking that my father has hurt him.

Octavian doesn't deserve it – he doesn't deserve to be hurt as much as no one does.

"I'm sorry," I weakly whispered. "A-ano ginawa n-nila sa'yo, Octavian?"

Ramdam ko ang pag-aayos niya ng upo sa kaniyang couch para mas aluhin ako sa pag-iyak. I'm sitting on his lap, both of my legs clasped together and lying sideways on his side.

I already lost track of time the moment I went up to hug him. Pinapasok din niya ako sa loob ng bahay niya sa gulat dahil wala akong planong kumawala sa kaniya kanina. I don't care about how I look right now. This is the first time I've been vulnerable in front of someone. It seems like the strong and cold wall I've built for years suddenly collapsed when I saw him.

Wala na akong pakialam. All I care for right now is us.

I heard him chuckle in my ear but I knew better that it was full of agony and distress. "Inaya lang ako sa inuman...tapos nagka-initan lang, baby –"

"What did Papa t-tell you?"

Inangat ko ang ulo mula sa kaniyang balikat at tinignan ang kaniyang mukha. He could even joke at this state! His face has a few abrasions and his skin's redder on some parts. Agad nanaman akong naluha nang maisip kung ano ang ginawa sa kaniya ni Papa.

Natikom ang kaniyang bibig sa aking tanong. He clenched his jaw and reached for my hand. Hindi pa ako nakapagpalit ng damit at suot ko pa rin ang pula kong windbreaker jacket at ang civil engineering polo ko sa loob. Bahagya niyang ibinaba hanggang sa palapulsuhan ko ang wrist cuffs ng jacket.

Hinalikan niya ang kamao ko at pumikit nang bahagya. I just stared at his face and tried to check out for some wounds. His reddish lips are in a thin line, with a few sore patch of wounds on its sides. Even if he's not at his best state right now, Octavian still looks ethereally beautiful and striking.

"He said I should stay away from you..." mahina niyang tugon nang may pag-aalinlangan at tinignan ako nang mariin. "That I don't have something right now to be worthy of you – all more reason because I am a Santillan."

"But you don't have to have something, Octavian!"

"Baby, you don't understand –"

"Naiintindihan ko, Octavian," I gritted my teeth. "You need not to prove yourself first because it doesn't matter to me! Okay lang naman sa akin ang lahat. I don't feel guilty anymore about us, Octavian!"

"Hindi ganoon, Natalia –"

"Please, please, don't think low of yourself this time. You're everything –"

Nahigit ang aking hininga nang yakapin niya ako papalapit nang walang pag-aalinlangan. Ramdam ko ang bigat ng kaniyang ulo sa aking leeg at rinig ko rin ang munti niyang paghikbi. My eyes watered instantly when I felt his heavy breathing against my skin, along with his minute cries.

This is the first time Octavian looks very feeble in front of me. Nasanay akong palagi siyang palangiti at laging may baon na kalokohan. He is the type of person who would tease you until you're out of answers or rebuttals against him. He has always been a ball of sunshine but right now, he's as delicate as a glass.