Losing game (Levi x reader)

Thinking

Y/n Pov:

He composes his face as he looks up, no longer wearing a twisted expression. His face is completely normal when he looks at me, except his eyes. His eyes are dull and lack a sense of life. I can tell that he's heartbroken even as he tries to hide it.

"Captain, is everything okay?" I ask him softly. He hesitates for a moment, like he wants to talk about it, but ultimately changes his mind.

"Cadet y/n, I forgot you were here" he replies shortly, his expression normal.

"Uh.. yeah.. haha I was just here fulfilling my punishment." I say, hiding the worry in my voice.

He shifts his weight and brings his hand to his chin.

"Your punishment is over, but don't think you can go around disrespecting your superiors again, I hope you learned something from this" He says, a hint of exhaustion in his words.

"Yes sir" I reply. I wonder why he's avoiding talking. I know we barley know each other but we're not complete strangers. He can't just ignore that I saw his breakdown.

But I understand why he wants space. If something really bad like that happened to me I wouldn't be ready to talk about it right away. I put my hand on the the door handle but it lingers for a moment. I grasp it a little tighter as words (that I didn't fully think about) slip from my mouth

"You know captain, I'm here if you ever need to talk, okay?" I open the door and wait for a response, but all I got was a simple "Tch" from him.

———————————————-

As I'm walking to the mess hall to meet my friends, I see Erwin, Hange, and what remains of the scouts. So many aren't here.

I didn't know all their names, but I'm sure Levi did. He trained some of them and shaped them into the fighters they are, or were, today. It must hurt to see your perfect tree that you grew from seed and nurtured go to waste.

They all share the same defeated look, but not as bad as Levi's when I saw him in his office. I make it to the mess hall and meet Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Armin. I plop down on the bench and let out a sigh.

"They keep on giving us the same old food, I hate to complain but I would kill for some meat" I say, starting up conversation.

"Hmm me too I guess, what do you think Eren?" Mikasa asked.

He swallowed the lump of.. whatever they were serving us... and spoke. "I think it's all right, but meat does sound really good" he says, shoving his mouth full of food.

"Wow Eren, you seem really hungry, we're not training so what have you been up to?" I ask him

He jolts a little bit and coughs on his food, his eyes wide. Mikasa grows a faint blush on her cheeks, leaning into Eren a little to hide her face. I regret asking..

"Oh nothing much, Mikasa and I trained a little together so we don't lose any progress" he blurted.

"Oh...I see" anyways...

"Did you hear about the mission yet?" Jean asked trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah. The scout regiment took a great loss, Levi's entire squad got wiped out and half of Erwins too." Armin stated

"Oh god..." I whisper quietly to myself as I bring my hand to my mouth in shock. His entire squad is gone. So that was the cause of his breakdown before... poor Levi...

I make my way back to my room and rummage through my drawers to find my pajamas. I needed a shower, bad. Once I found a suitable pair I padded to my bathroom. I look at my face in the mirror and groan. You could still see the cut I got from training last week. I trace it with my finger and feel the rough skin. Well, no use moping over it.

The hot water feels so refreshing on my skin. I haven't showered in days and I was certainly starting to notice the effects. My strawberry scented shampoo was comforting. It was a familiar scent that I would only smell when I was in the safe walls of my bathroom. I scrub my scalp with my fingers and rinse the suds off, the dirt going with it. Normally I don't let it get this bad but I've been so busy cleaning for levi that I couldn't find time to shower.

I turn the faucet off and step out of the shower, wrapping a big fluffy towel around me to dry off. Once I'm fully dry I put my pajamas on. It's blue silk bottoms with a white t-shirt. The covers of my bed are warm and soft, making me even more drowsy.

I wonder how Levi's doing right now. I can't help but worry about him. I know he's strong and can handle just about anything, but he looked really hurt. Not physically, but emotionally. I've never actually seen him cry or smile before. And I have the sense that him and Petra were pretty close, maybe even lovers. His squad was practically his family, they spent every day together training the cadets and planning out battle strategies. I'm sure that Hange or Erwin will check up on him, their his friends so they have to worry about him too.

All these thoughts are making me tired. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, letting the warmth of my blankets lull me into a deep sleep.

Author Note:
Hey guys!! Okay I know I'm not the best writer and I kept going back and forth on how this chapter was going to go. If your enjoying the story so far plz plz plz vote. Thank uuuu