Losing game (Levi x reader)

Resting

Y/N Pov:

Training was called off early today. We didn't have to do our evening rounds, which took a huge weight off my shoulders

When I got back to my quarters I took a shower and relaxed for a little bit. That's when I remembered what happened earlier.

Captain Levi just disappeared. I'd thought he was only dropping off Eren to Hanges office. Maybe he had to stay back and help with the experiment. Either way I still feel like I should go check up on him. I didn't see him eat at the mess hall either today. He must be hungry, so I should bring him some food in case he forgot to eat.

I run to the mess hall and request two steamed potatoes and two tea bags. They hand me a ceramic plate, a fork, and a teacup. I carry them to Captain Levi's office. I take a deep breath and muster up the courage to knock. I finally knocked three times.

"Name and business" he said in a monotone voice.

"Umm it's cadet y/n, I noticed that you missed lunch today so I brought you some food" I tell him.

I hear some shuffling around and then see the door open. I look down and see Levi standing in the doorframe.

"Tch, brat, come in" he says

I set the plate down on his desk and place the tea bags in the cup.

"Do you have a kettle?" I ask him

He just nods and gets up from his chair. He walks into a separate room and returns with a kettle. I fill it up and put it in the fireplace in his room. I stoked the blazing coals to heat up the fire.

"You know, your only the second person other than me that's been in here." Levi says from behind me.

"Who was the first?" I ask him before thinking about it.

I sensed him tense up from behind me

"No one special, you didn't know them" he says.

"was she the one in the picture?" I decide to keep pressing because I can tell he's trying to block it out. I just want him to have someone to talk too. He can't carry everything by himself.

"Uh I-" his breathing stops for a moment and he brings his hand to his mouth"

"Levi..." I break command for a second. I know I'm supposed to address him as captain, but that can wait. I'm more concerned about him than silly names.

It didn't seem to bother him because he didn't react to it. He's was standing over his bed and I walked up behind him. His back was facing me and he looked pretty tense. I placed my hand on his shoulder. When I did I felt how much tension was coursing through his muscles. He turned his head but he didn't look up at me. He was looking down at the floor.

"You can talk to me about it if you want to. I'll listen"

"Tch, I don't have anything I need to talk about cadet" he huffs. That stung. He's going back to command names, as if to tell me I'm nothing more than a cadet to him, but I know he needs someone. Even if we don't talk and we just sit here. He can't go through this all alone.

Without a word I gingerly take his hand and lead him to his couch. He doesn't resist as I tell him to sit, me sitting across from him. We stay like this for a little while, the only sound In the room being our breathing.

"The girl in the picture, was she important to you?" I ask him softly. If he isn't going to start the conversation, I might as well try.

He takes a few minutes to respond. His eyebrows knit and then relax fully. It scared me a little to see his face completely at rest.

"She was a good fighter. She was brave and selfless. It's a waste that the regiment lost her."

That's not what I asked him. Yes of course she was important to the regiment, otherwise he wouldn't have picked her to be on his squad. I restate my question, making sure he understood what I meant.

"No Levi, was she important to You?" I ask him again, this time emphasizing the you part.

He stares at the ground for a second. "Petra and I were very... close. She was my friend and Erwins too." He picks at a loose thread on the couch with his hands. It's barley noticeable, but his hands are trembling.

He takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. I see him loosen up a little. His hands are still shaking lightly so I bring my hands to his and cup them. I'm holding his hands inside of mine to try and steady them. He attempts to pull back for a second but I don't let go. I just hang on a little tighter and look at him.

"Tch what are you doing brat?" He asks

"It's okay, just let me hold them" I tell him.

It was in that moment that I noticed how tired he really looked. He was hunched over with half lidded eyes and very dark, sunken in eye bags. His hands felt limp in mine. I knew if I just straight up asked him he would turn me away. I had to take a different approach to it.

"Levi, do you trust me?" I ask

"I'm not sure yet, why?"

Without answering I pulled him up off the couch. He stood in front of me and looked up, a glimpse of curiosity sparking his eyes. I put my arm above his waist a little and brought him to his bed.

"Lay down, you look fucking tired."

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep you know. You'd have better luck outrunning a titan with no gear or horse" he remarks

"Just trust me okay." I say.

He lays down and faces away from me. I go sit on the couch, resting against it. I watch his back as he try's to sleep. It takes a while but eventually I notice his breath steadying. I get up to look and he is definitely sleeping. I sit back down on the couch and wait for him to rest.

As the night progresses I just watch him. He looks kind of peaceful when he sleeps. The furrow in his brows is gone. I could even say he's a little bit good looking. I mean his jawline is really nice and his lips are pretty full...

As I'm watching him I notice him becoming a little distressed. It starts subtly with just the twitch of his brows or a scrunch in his face, but it gradually gets worse. He starts to stir and mumble stuff, his breathing reduced to pants

"...pet..ra..." he mumbles in his sleep