Losing game (Levi x reader)

Missions end

Y/n POV:

I use the spare key captain Levi gave me to open the door to his office. It feels wrong being in here without him. It only gets worse as I walk into his bedroom to begin cleaning. I feel like I'm invading on his personal space. I don't want to make any assumptions or anything, but I don't think many people have been in here before. As expected his room is already spotless. The white bedding was crisp and pristine. The floors sparkling and not a speck of dust in sight. I intend to keep it that way

I grab some cleaning liquid and a rag. I might as well start with the floors. As I'm scrubbing I notice a worn out box underneath his bed. It looks out of place next to all the other clean and fresh things that surrounded it. I'm assuming it's really important if he's kept it around for so long. I ignore the box and keep scrubbing

Once I'm satisfied with the condition of the floors I work on dusting. I hate to admit it but I t's kind of calming in here. The window in front of his bed has a perfect view of the training grounds. From the distance I can see Eren, Armin, and Jean messing around. I wish I could join them, but I need to stay here and take my punishment.

As the night drags on I finally finish cleaning. Captain Levis quarters remain spotless. I hope he's doing all right out there. I know he's the strongest one out there but for some reason I can't help but worry about him.

"Well I guess I'd better hit the hay" I say to myself. I swing the closet door open and reach for the extra blankets. I pull them out and wrap them around me. Their comforting scent engulfing me. I pad to the couch and curl up on it. It's fluffy cushions cradling me. With the warmth of the couch and the blanket, my eyelids grow heavy. I close my eyes and drift off.

Levi Pov:

I pull on my horses reins to stop him when I see it. A fifteen meter titan sprinting in our direction, fog surrounding them. It has to be an abnormal. I fire off my black smoke signal to alert the other scouts. I glance back at Petra and launch myself off my horse and towards the titan, leaving her behind. This titan was going to be difficult to kill. I was experienced with my blades as I cut up the titan. My blades feel as though they are a part of me. We work in synchronization as I slice the nape of the Titans neck. It falls to the ground with a wet smack. A bit of its blood ends up on my uniform. Tch, disgusting. I watch the blood until it evaporates. I call for my horse and he comes running. I pat his nose for a second, glad that he's still alive.

I climb onto his back and tell chestnut to take me to the other scouts. He follows my orders and begins running of the bumpy terrain. I anxiously survey the area, worried that I would find something... something really bad. My worries are relived when I see people with green capes riding horses in the distance.

I race chestnut even faster to rejoin with my squad. By the time I get to them chestnut is panting and a little worn out. I look at each persons face and analyze that they are here. After each face my worries grow and grow. I look once, twice, three times.

NO NO NO

I look again but am met with the same conclusion. Petra isn't here. My mind races as I try to comprehend what's going on.

"Where's Petra- WHERE IS SHE?!" I shout with urgency in my voice.

"I'm sorry captain, I'm so sorry.. I couldn't" I don't stick around to hear the rest of his
sentence.

I sharply turn around and start racing back behind me. How could I miss it on the way here. I frantically look around for her...or anything to prove what he said. My vision goes blurry for some reason. I can't see like this. I free a hand from my reins to wipe my eyes. Oh, I'm crying. I quickly shut that down.

I nearly fall off chestnut as I approach the scene. I see multiple titans in the area, scattered around them are the limbs of my fallen comrades. I panic as flashbacks violently run through my mind. Something that happened so many years ago. I am almost getting dejavu. I search the ground, unable to make out the soldiers the limbs once belonged to.

My eyes fall on one I do recognize. I know that hand. It's the same hand that would run itself through my hair to lull me to sleep. It's the same one that would hold mine to comfort me. It's the same one I was going to use to declare my love with a small gold band when life was safer. who would have thought that hand would now be laying lifeless in the mud. I jump
off my horse and stumble towards it. Not willing to believe reality. I follow the hand up
to meet the face of its holder.

It was Petra. A stain of blood smeared on her cheek. Her eyes were open and she wore an expression of fear. A large chunk of her legs and torso missing. She was dead. I drop to my knees next to her. Not minding the mud that soaked through my white pants. I bow my forehead down to hers and stay there for a moment. A single tear slides down my cheek. I plant a kiss on her still warm lips and swallow the lump in my throat.

"I love you, Petra, I always have, I guess this is goodbye" I whisper to her.

I bring my hand up and place my fingertips on her eyelids, gently willing them shut. I stand up, defeated. I walk chestnut for a second but then climb up on him. I fire off a red flare to signal ending the mission. They should see it because it's nearly dawn. I don't wait for the other scouts to catch up to me. I race chestnut towards the wall. Memories of Petra play through my mind, causing dry sobs to rise from
my chest.

Not only memories from the past circle my mind. I'm also hit with scenarios that could have been. Like seeing her walk down the isle and waking up to see her face every morning. Or raising a child with her, the child sharing the same gorgeous auburn locks as her. All of those possibilities now impossible.